Out of Harmony - Comments

Cool. Hope to read more soon =]

I apologize for not checking this out earlier! I'm subscribed but I usually forget to check my e-mail.
Anyway, I'm really sorry for leaving a super lame comment but I have to get ready for school so I don't have time to review. But I just wanted to say I really liked chapter 2! Your writing is lovely.
Just one of my favorite lines: Now that I couldn't hide behind my book, I felt his skin radiate heat and his close-but-not-quite-brown hair was clean and he was trying to look through me with vivaciously bright eyes.
Your descriptions of him make me so curious about him. Can't wait to read more!

Story Review Game

I love the layout! It's beautiful. :)

Summary
“Like going to hell and back, a button pushed on repeat, Sydney Price was floating along with a song stuck in her head.”
- For me, the second phrase kind of broke the flow. Maybe start it with “...like a button...”?

- This is an alright summary, but maybe making the descriptions of the two characters more parallel would make it better.

i call your name.
“He was still standing close by, pulling book after book off the [shelve] before returning it back.”
- “shelve” is a verb. The noun is either shelf or shelves.

“He [mocked] my posture, resting his back against the wooden [shelve] and stretching his legs out next to mine.”
- maybe use “copied” instead of “mocked” since the latter has bad connotations, like it's insulting.

- Interesting first chapter. I was a little shaken during the second half, when Sydney asked the guy's name, because the first half of the chapter made it seem like the two knew each other when they didn't after all. But it's not that bad of a thing, I guess.

goosebumps.
“My parents, as lovely and amazing as they were, never stayed in one room except for the kitchen.”
- this should be explained more. I kind of don't understand. They never stayed in one room together? Or they didn't stay in one room for more than a few moments because they were always moving around?

“Mom was on the [lap top], propping her long legs on the table with it resting right above her knees.”
- it's “laptop” without the space

“My room [isn't] so cold, but [there's] a few significant differences between the stuffy library and here.”
- “wasn't” and “there was” since the rest of the story is in past tense. Stay uniform.

“I wasn't tired, [and] that book I needed to read could wait.”
- this is a bit strange. Maybe you mean “but” instead of “and”?

- This was an okay chapter for me. But maybe you should mention if Sydney took Emerson's offer to walk her.

- The story is interesting but it's not very attention grabbing... yet. Sydney should probably show her thoughts more, which is easy to do because the story's in 1st person POV. But it is pretty good so far. Good job. :)

I saw this on the Pimping & Reccing thread and it caught my attention.
It was a pretty short first chapter, but intriguing. I'm interested to see where you're going with this!

Here's a new story for anyone willing to read.

It's an original love story.