The Best Part of 'Believe' Is The 'Lie' - Comments

This one shot is absolutely amazing. Definitely cried while reading it.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck. I’m a mess. You’ve broken my tiny, shriveled, black heart... In a beautiful, tragic way.

I loved it, Kayla. ^_^ <3
Such a beautiful one-shot.

okay im not even jokin when i say this.
this is my favorite story i have read so far on this website.
and ive read a lot of them.
its amazing.
sad.
cute.
and i just love it.
<3

Wow. this is truly amazing. A few gramatical errors. But really fantastic. It was so emotional. I just don't know. Keep on writing that's for sure. Xx

Okay, some technical grammar issues along with praise:

Dear old Mom and Dad sure as hell never gave me a clue as to what it is, what it means, or how it feels to be unconditionally loved. -- Verb tense shift; first, you started with "was", and now you're back to "is". Right after, you went back to "was".

I didn’t need friends and the drama that come with them. -- "come" to "came" -- silly mistake :]

...that would only confuse me, and I hate confusion. It means I’m not in control of the situation. -- you could use parallel structure: "...that would only confuse me. I hate confusion. I hate not having control; something like that.

...with your mischievous green eyes that promised trouble. -- I like how you used "promised"; it completely clashes with what you described Zacky Vengance to be, but it works brilliantly.

You had started causing little chinks in the armor I’d come to believe was invincible. -- Use a different word than "causing"; creating, slashing, slicing...just not causing.

Not because you were a man, and because you could hurt me -- not "and"; replace with "or"

It would give you an excuse to see me again; to try to break down my defenses. -- Only use a semicolon when you're linking to sentences together. Replace with a comma.

The first thing you said was ”Sorry for taking so long.” -- Don't capitalize "sorry".

I pulled the book out of my shoulder bag -- Do you mean messenger back? Shoulder bag seems awkward...but that's your choice.

”So Alice, have you found your Wonderland yet?” -- Very clever and adorable :]

”I’ll help you find it, if you’ll let me.” -- You missed the ending bracket thing for italics.

Not all of them; certainly not the pressing ones that you’d throw in. -- Comma, not semicolon.

You wanted to know if I had siblings, I’d ignore you. -- "...if I had siblings, and I ignored you." If you add the "and", the parallel structure continues to the next sentence :]

...and my mother was sitting in her Lexus in the front driveway, tapping her perfectly-manicured red fingernails on the steering wheel impatiently -- great imagery! Hope to see more of it!

You weren’t my boyfriend; at least, you weren’t then. -- This would be stronger if you separated them into two sentences.

Love, Zacky -- Why "love"?

Your once soft and unkempt black hair was now matted against your skull in sweaty clumps, not a bit of life in it. -- Love that.

You looked like living death. -- Good oxymoron. It fits well.

”Just believe.” You repeated again. This should be changed to: "Just believe," you repeated again.

I said goodnight and goodbye to you, and you said goodbye as well. Concision-- we exchanged goodbyes.

Overall, amazing job! It was tragic; poor Zacky, but it was great! Lots of great descriptions, imagery, specific detail. I like the use of "you" throughout the story; you were consistent, which was even better :] Great job!

Oh and I love the way you used the title at the end, clever!

Wow, that was so touching,
really meaningful and deep, I liked the slow pace...so I can take my time reading it.
I'm a fan of tragedy (Don't ask) But it still takes a lot of skill as a writer to make someone feel any emotion when their reading. I really enjoyed it, but it did make my heart ache...even though it's only a story it makes you think of people who really do go through something as sad and tragic as that.
Thanks! :)