Aim and Ignite - Comments

I really really liked this, and I wish you would continue with it. It has so much potential to be an amazing story, and I was imediantly super interested... Hopefully one day you'll continue with this. It's so simple, yet super intriguing... I love your writing style. I hope this gets picked up one day :)

he would be annoyed by it -- NO passive voice, please!

The girl was going to be yelled at by her father. -- No passive voice!

the thought of him angry scared even him -- Awkward

which where left by him -- "which he left"

He shuddered -- Ambiguous "he"

he was the best sex she had ever had in his life -- What?

So far, it catches my interest, but there are a few parts that are confusing. Good start, and I'd like to see where it goes!

Story Review Game.

As I always, I'll start by saying that I really like your layout. I always enjoy simplicity and lovely banners, of which, your story layout has both. The only thing I don't really like is the font. Okay, this is probably a little silly of me, but I really dislike that particular font when used for the actual body of the story, and not just titles. It makes the quotation marks look all wonky. Just a personal opinion.

The story has lovely language to it. Whenever I read these sorts of stories, I almost feel like I'm floating through a dream. That's how smooth it is, how nicely everything flows. It sounds a bit odd, but that's the feeling I get. From the little I know of All Time Low, you've captured Alex nicely. He's a cocky little bastard, but an endearing one at that. The sex, the abuse, the conversation were all tied together nicely. It wasn't as though you glorified the abuse, but you managed to make her beautiful in her misery. And yes, I really liked the ending as well.

All in all, it was a beautiful chapter. I like the premise, and I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to say that the future chapters will be lovely as well.

i like this. <3