People of the Night - Comments

It's so refreshing to finally find someone else who uses a formal writing style! Woohoo!

Most of the time, you even do it pretty well, which is impressive. There are a few places where words are wrong or out of line (for example, 'bounding hands' instead of 'binding hands'), but mostly, it flows. It's nice to be able to read colourful words like 'glut' in a context where they haven't obviously been pulled from a thesaurus.

Occassionally, your sentences are a bit over-long, like the first sentence of chapter one. I get what you're going for, as I like to use long sentences too, but try reading it aloud and see how it sounds. I think it might work better if you break it in two. Likewise, you seem to flip between putting line breaks between paragraphs, and having no breaks between others. I think you should be more consistent. Maybe go for line breaks every time, so that the format is easy on the eyes, and readers can focus on your writing.

Other than that, I think you've done a good job with this. Your words are vivid, and I'm interested to see where your story is going. It might be a vampire thing, which isn't up my alley, but at least it's done well.

Good luck writing!

I really like it so far....I love your way with words....I think I'll definitely read more :)

I think this is the best written vampire story I've ever read. I've never actually wanted to read more of a story with mythical creatures but this was awesome.

I only got through the first chapter, but not because I didn't want to read more. Your descriptions were amazing and the big words you used were awesome. xD No but really, I liked how it sounded like an actual novel that I would pick up and read.

The layout bugged me a little bit, but I've never been one of black backgrounds or layouts that aren't aligned in the center. I also think the picture would be better as a banner instead of being at the bottom right corner.

I think you've done an amazing job with this, and I'll definitely be reading more. :D

it has to be by far one of the best and most well written vampire stories i have read.
i like it.

This is one of the most original vampire stories I've ever read. Seriously. And your use of vocabulary is magnificent. It surprised me. I had to look up a few words. >.> Very captivating story.

The first paragraph pulled me in right away.
I'm not one for vampire fan-fictions, but this is just really well-writeen.
It left me wanting more.

Normally, I'm not one for vampires, for you I make exceptions.
It's wonderful and indearing. It leaves me wanting more.

this was beautifully written. The prologue has really drawn me in and I want to know what will happen.
this is truly an incredible piece of writing :)

I'm subscribing. Finally an original vampire fiction story that I actually like.

This is a really good beginning. A lot of people try to peer into the mind of a vampire as he or she is taking their victim, and I think you've hit the nail on the head here. It's a great start.

And it came to cue in that very second, as my teeth pierced deep into the velvet texture of her fearfully pale skin, that, at last, I had gotten to taste what the strong, barely stoppable desire, which had been leading and dragging my attention towards her, tasted like.

This is a great opening paragraph. It pulls me in right away, and it also informs me just what this is about and what's going on. My only complaint, however, is that it started it 'and'. I'm not a fan of that.

Other than that, this is a beautiful piece of writing.

This was actually written really well. I don't usually go for vampire stories but this one caught me. The first sentence seemed a little long but it had a brilliant effect. The layout could seem to be a little cramped but I had no problems with it.
Keep this up my dear, you've got yourself a subscriber.