The Writing On The Bathroom Walls. - Comments

Wow, wow, wow! It's amazing how you manage to completly capture the emotion, in just a short series of moments.

The emotion of this was really powerful; I actually had tears in my eyes at the end
It’s beautifully written
It’s just so… wow!

Story Review Game

I love the way you say: "trapped again. Stopped again.". It realy brings forward the mundane repition of the act. The way you make the story feel so real is already clear in the first few paragraphs. Short, and to the point. I like it.

"How does it feel, to be summed up in one tiny word?" It's a really great way to get the feeling across. It sounds bitter and resigned. The dialouge works perfectly even without telling us who is saying what because you've made it perfectly clear.

The teacher's reaction interesting. The reader sounds paranoid and angry, its happened before. The writing on the wall is a brilliant way to convey how the reader feels. I'm feeling the emotions too, and it's heard to describe them with just words, so you use the reactions and actions of the story to do it for you, and that is great.

Cool oneshot! I like how you told it in second person from the outsider's point of view. It's very beautifully written, and very excellently portrayed. :)
Good job with this. :)
Keep up your awesome, superb writing! :)

This was beautiful.
Beautifully written, beautifully portrayed.
Wow.

I loved this. So brutal and honest; the second person really helped to convey that, in my opinion.
Situations like this, they're not pretty, not in real life. But you made it into something beautiful, something relatable, something that sticks out and captures the reader. It's probably one of the best pieces I've ever read on this site, hands down.
Wonderful job.

Wow. Where did this come from? I really really like it.
I liked the second person - I've never really read things written that way, but it's a cool thing. And like the person above me said,
And still she turns away, back to the soda machine, back to her daily fix of caffeine, sugar, and the reason her husband’s cheating on her with his newest secretary.
that line really stuck out to me. Couldn't quite tell you why.
All the emotions and everything you fit in there... wow. It was a short story, but each line really meant something, you know?
Okay, I'm done rambling now. Just know I liked it a lot :)

Story/Review Game

And still she turns away, back to the soda machine, back to her daily fix of caffeine, sugar, and the reason her husband’s cheating on her with his newest secretary. Great line.

The long description gives me no indication as to what the story is about but it's really enticing. It pulls me in and makes me want to know more.I've never really read a story written in second person before, other than the amateurs on quizilla, and I quite like this. I get the feeling like I'm really there, enduring this.

Insults rain down, and it looks like you’re not even worth full sentences anymore. How does it feel, to be summed up in a tiny word? This was great. Not one story I've ever read o n here has ever brought up this type of feeling. For you to bring this up, that the person isn't worth full sentences, is just simply magnificent.

How does it feel to know that you’re just an idle thought; something to be scrawled and scribbled out and scorned and scrubbed away again and again, day in and day out, over and over and over? Another person’s annoyance, another person’s problem. And here, you think it’s another person’s name.

This was great. And the last line just pulled it all together. I've never been one for second person, but the way you did this made it believable. It was like third person only I'm in the place and you're narrating for me. Quite a lovely story, you have some serious talent. You should definitely continue writing in second person. :D

"and it looks like you’re not even worth full sentences anymore." --- that's my favorite part. :)
The layout is slightly hard to read though (but then again, I have weak eyes and I'm sleepy, so it might just be me)

Ah!!!
This is really great.
It's so sad that people really do feel this way, but you portrayed it really beautiful.
I really liked it. :D

Allison, that was one of the best pieces you've ever written.
LOVED it.

Wonderful. :]
Really nice, you capture the feeling of the situation beautifully. The terror, bitterness and feeling of complete isolation of the character. It flows very nicely, too, so you did a good job writing in second person~ ^_^