She Deserved It - Comments

Very eerie.
The whole story had a great horror vibe.

this is really good, I like the idea behind it and you're a decent writer. the plot is really good and original, too.
the only thing I didn't like was how mechanical it all was. you didn't use any contractions and the children both spoke with excellent grammar and everything. it was a little distracting, tbh. try spicing it up and writing somewhat like you speak. All the perfect English and written out words and everything doesn't make things interesting at all.
I only caught one grammar error, and that was when the nurse was speaking on the phone. you wrote "you're" in place of "your".
overall, a pretty decent piece. just try not being such a machine! :D

I liked it. It wasn't the most amazing thing ever, but I'm not saying I am either. I liked how you contrasted (as the writers above have said) from past and present and it gave me a energy to want to actually finish it (since usually the one shots I read suck. I didn't particurarily like the lack of emotion and the overwhelming soap opera type sadness but I give you the best luck in your writing. This is a good start. :D

First off, thank you for entering in my contest. (: Now before I even start reading, I must admit that the layout is a little hard on the eyes, so I switched to the default one. However, that won't take any points off of your writing. (:

I like the format you have, going back and forth between flashback and the present. It kind of makes me have a suspicion of who the body is but at the same time, it also makes me wonder what about this specific memory led David to kill.

... Oh My God. That ending... that was just plain fucked up! I mean, it was an amazing twist but... his mother! I'm sorry but I can't compute that properly. I would have liked a little more detail at the end of the story, especially about the killings of his father and sister but at the same time, I'm glad you didn't. This was the perfect amount of sadism, I believe.

Once again, thank you for entering the contest.

Very nice, and also sadistic in a way, I like that(:
Nice job :D

that was really good. you're very talented.

Oh yeah and I forgot to say, you did really good at giving everyone their only personalities.

I absolutely love love love this. Your emotions were good, they had be scared and about to cry. It was a very very good plot. I love your writing.

oh wow! I liked the way you set up the flashbacks, it was really good! I also liked the way you left it a bit of a mystery as to why he killed her. very good :)
background was a bit distracting (the writing color contrasted with the background color) but surely i can look past my odd O.C.D because I really did like the writing.