Tre Said Vacation! - Comments

lmfao.

that was hilarious!

“We now have late breaking news! Cheech and porn have now been banned from the U.S.” He said mocking a news caster.

Tre jumped up, “No! No no! Fuck this! I’m moving to Canada!”

LMFAO I laughed my head off at that! Keep up tthe good work!

OMFG! Fewer mistakes than last time!

Here's what I really liked:
1. Tre on cough syrup is like Mike on acid.
Duuuuuuuuuude. You painted such a hysterical picture in my mind. XDDD I loved it! Great simile.

2.I walked over to Tre, “Tre wake up.” I pushed him.

“I’m sleepin’... go knock over the milk.”

I turned around and looked at Mike. He had the same ‘what the fuck’ expression as I did on his face.

“We need to ask him what the hell that means.” Mike said with a laugh.

I kicked him in the leg, “FIRE FIRE FIRE!” I screamed.

“Just use your dick and piss it out...” Tre said still in a deep slumber.

“Oh I got this.” Mike said, then he cleared his throat. “We now have late breaking news! Cheech and porn have now been banned from the U.S.” He said mocking a news caster.

Tre jumped up, “No! No no! Fuck this! I’m moving to Canada!”
xDD I love Tre's reactions. "Go knock over the milk." "Use your dick and piss it out." "No! No no! Fuck this! I'm moving to Canada!" :D Really great.

Then we walked to my room to get Adie. It was about 12 in the afternoon now.
We met Brittney outside.
:mrgreen: See, you would have had rabid fans tearing you apart if I hadn't told you how to spel Britt's name right. xD Not really, but making myself sound more important definitely doesn't hurt my ego. xD

Here's the very few mistakes that I found:
1. Simple comma mistakes:
a. "Oh, good one.” I said sarcastically.
b. “Where to, gentlemen?” The taxi dude asked.
c. And from what I can tell, he said yes.
d. “It’s not funny! 'Cause I like, well they told me I tried to go to that place where the people who fly the plane are....” Actually this one isn't a comma mistake, but an apostrophe mistake. xD
e. "Just use your dick and piss it out...." Tre said, still in a deep slumber.
2. Not specifically, but you may want to use "okay" instead of "ok", since it is in story form and not on MSN anymore, where you could basically get away with anything. xD
3. Also, you should check up on your tenses (I have problems with past/present/future tense stuff, too, so I'm not trying to be too hypocritical or anything). I found a mistake, but I can't re-find it again (-_-) so....sorry. =\ But I'll tell you when (if) it appears again.
4. Always put the narrator last when listing names. Example:
You said: Me and Mike....
You should have said: Mike and me....

:D
But you have to get on the computer! I NEED MORE TSV!!!!

<3333 Cherry

lol cough syrup is nice

awww poor billie and mike

lmfao @ Tré and the cough syrup..

lol i lyk it

WOW!
Hilarious...

EL EM EFF EH OH.

Aha...

"Daddy?"

*throws a roll at Mike too*

*subscribes*

ahhh i love it lots!
very very very funny too :]

hahahahaha omg i love this...

especially the 2nd chapter..

reminded me of myself =] (hint: i LOVEEEEEEEEEEE bread with a passion =] )
~ my dad said that next time we go out to eat hes not buying me an entre..just extra bread =]

anyhoo..

loving the storyy!
more soon please?

whoo hoo sequals rule! damn I wanna know what Tre did! please update!!

lmfao I loved Tre said MSN story and this story is awesome as the other one!

I wonder what Mr Tre Cool did? *thinks*

what did tre do?

:D Clever use of "roll/role" on the chapter title, Spike. I got it!!!

You've gotten a lot better. Barely any mistakes (that I caught)!
1. “Adam!” A brunette women, about my height yelled, while heading our way. I was assuming this was his mother.

2. She walked over to us and took his hand, “Sorry. It’s just he gets to meet his father for the first time today. His father told him he would be wearing something similar to what you have on.”

3. “Alright, bye now.” I smiled.

4. I took the last roll and shoved it in my mouth, “So muff are we roffing ruday?” I tried to say, but ended up sounding like I was mumbling.

5. I smirked. “SO MUFF ARE WE ROFFING RUDAY!?” I shouted, sending the chewed up roll I had in my mouth flying all over Mike’s face.

6. “So while we are having this good ole laugh, and we're good ole buddies.” I took a deep breath, “And-you-wouldn’t-kill-me-if-I-told-Adie-that-you-and-I-wanna-go-shopping-with-her-and-Britt-later, wouldn’t even kill this moment!”

7. Damn I didn’t even get my cup of coffee. I thought to myself.
You should think about either putting the entire thought into italics or placing a comma in between the two sentences instead of a period. It's how all "thoughts" are inserted. xD

LMFAO! Billie's hilarious. :mrgreen: I can't wait to see what Tre did.
You really made me laugh. LOVE IT!

....But, ZOMG! I just realized, I went on GSB and it's not Brittany Cade, but Brittney Cade. =O You should keep this in mind for future chapters. xD

<333 Cherry

Lmao! Oh ok.

Thanks for the comments guys! =D

LMAO
Hun, when I said to put that in bold, I meant the whole sentence. XD
Like this:
"Meanwhile, a bunch of miles away over the sea, in London."

Sorry 'bout the confusion. :)

<3 Cherry

lol he tripped over a suit case! i like it!

=O I didn't have the first comment!
LMAO, just kidding. xD
I did have to go eat dinner and stuff, though, so I'm sorry for my late comment. :(

Just some minor grammatical errors. This is going to be a hell of a long comment, but here's the first chapter and my suggestions/revisions (which are in bold):

>“Daddy, how come I can’t go with you?” Tre cool’s 13 year old daughter asked, while embracing him in a hug.
>The drummer sneezed, “Because Ramona, you have a fever, andyour you're sick.”
>“But so do you....” She protested.
>“And Joey, Jakob, Stella, and your step brother won’t be there. You’d be bored out of your mind.”
>Ramona sighed, “Ok... When you come back, can I come stay at your house for a while?” She asked.
>“Ofcoarse course! Maybe I can put together a barbecue or picnic or something too.” He said.
>She smiled, “I can’t wait! Call me when you get there. And tell Billie and Mike and Adie and Brit, I said hi!”
>The drummer laughed, “I’ll just let you say it to them over the phone.” He said.
>Tre kissed his daughter's forehead. Next, He walked into the kitchen, and said bye to his ex-wife Lisea. He grabbed his two suitcases, then called a taxi to head toward the airport. Soon he arrived at his flight which was due for take off. He boarded his plane, with only being stopped once to be asked for his autograph. Tre took his seat next to a middle aged women. And then he was off to London.
>
>Meanwhile, a bunch of miles away over the sea, in London. <--Might want to put that in bold or something...
>
>Billie was sleeping pretty good. Unlike his wife, he was snoring.
>Then his cell phone started to ring.
>Billie lazily shuffled his hand on the night stand beside him. He kept his face buried into his pillow. Finally he found his phone.
>
---Billie’s POV—
>
>“Sweetie!” A fully awoken person, shouted on the phone. I just groaned. It was Mike.
>“Ah, come on sleepy head. Come get a cup of coffee with me? Come on.” My best friend reasoned.
>I yawned, “I’m not a sleepy head.” I said as I got up and scratched my bare chest, “I’m just not a 6 AM person.”
>He laughed. “Well hurry up and shower and stuff! And meet me at the café down the street.”
>I laughed uncontrollably at the mentioning of the café. That’s where I had my previous FIND ME IF YOU CAN thing going on.
>“Al-right” I said through a yawn.
>“And we have to go pick up Tre today.” He said
>“Okie dokie. Later.”
>I hung up the phone.
>“Billie?” My wife said in a groggy tone while rubbing her eyes.
>“Hm?”
>“What are you up so early for?” She asked me.
>“.....Mike.” I said slowly.
>She laughed, and then she laid back down, trying to get back into her wonderful sleep.
>I walked over to my suitcase. And grabbed a long sleeve black and white striped shirt. I threw that on and some pants and socks and shoes. I walked over to the window, and put my hand up against the glass. It was pretty cold....
>“That’s weird.” I said to myself. I'm a little confused. When would it NOT be cold in London?
>I soon skipped into the bathroom, and did all the stuff you normally do when you first wake up. Things such as wash your face, brush your teeth. I looked in the mirror.
>“Whoa... Do I need a fucking haircut.” I thought, but ended up saying out loud.
>“Yes, babe, you do!” Adie shouted from under the covers.
>“I need to shave too...” I sighed and picked up my shaving razor.
>I finished quickly, and I didn’t even cut myself! I wiped off my face and did a victory dance out of the bathroom. But then tripped over my suitcase, that I had previouslythrew thrown on the floor.
>“Billie! Babe, are you okay?” My wife asked me, deep concern in her voice.
>I jumped up, “Yes... I’m great.” I went over and kissed her cheek. And whispered “I love you” in her ear.
>I also told her that I would be back later. Then she begged me to go shopping with her and Brittany I couldn’t say no... so I brought Mike into this too.
>He was gonna be pissed. I started grinning.
>Then I left to go meet up with Mike at the café at 7 in the fucking morning.

o.O I hope that wasn't too bad for you...remember, I'm not an expert, so half the things I mentioned could be wrong. I liked the first chapter though! Can't wait for the humorous parts to come up. :mrgreen:

<3333 Cherry