The Weight of Her - Comments

Hey, you know, this is a really nice piece, I like your writing style because it seems to have a good balance of emotion to it. There's those times in it where I felt kind of apprehensive for the main character Shaun, because I wasn't quite sure how his girlfriend would come back from the coma. But then you found a way to lift the mood. I just have to say that you have a nice parabola touch to your writing. There's a rise and a fall, where there's calm and happy memories. You make it seem like a longer time than six weeks worth of a story, and that's good. It held good steady detail.

Good going on the last chapter too, you added a good touch of humor to the last lines. I thought the last chapter was going to be a cheesy cliche ending with the same old conversation phrases. But you added you own twist to the closure.

I like your layout by the way, the background adds a light feel to it all. It kinda makes me want to stare at it for long periods of time. The only thing I can really say is that the font color kind of annoyed my eyes, but that's only because I'm used to reading darker fonts.

Keep writing!

Oops! My comment wasn't long enough! I'll just repost and expand on it!

From comment swap:

I don't read this type of story usually but I can tell you're a talented writer! Right off the bat you started off with an action packed start with Shaun running through the hospital.

I also love the layout, I know EVERYBODY says that on comment swap when they can't think of something to say but I think layouts really add to a story, yours is excellent, I love the lighting on the plants and it's really whimsical. Sounds cheesy, I'm sorry. But I like how you included the journal in the story as well.

My only problem is the title, sounds silly but it could ne misconstrued.

From comment swap:

I don't read this type of story usually but I can tell you're a talented writer!

I got this story from the comment swap, and it isn't usually the sort of things I read, and I don't tend to read fan fictions. But I must say, I loved it! You are a very good at writing, and it was very interesting, and it kept me captivated until the end of the story. It was amazing! keep up the good work! xx

Since you got my story in the comment swap thing, I figured I'd give it a go and see if I'd get yours and I did. Haha! Anyways, I don't know much about Shaun White, but this was cute and sad at the same time. I liked how you included the journal and used it to show us their past. In the beginning I was expecting her to pass away, but was glad she didn’t. It was well written and I followed it easily, so good job. :)

This was very sad. I don't know who these people are, but it was easy to understand, anyways. A teeny bit predictable and cliche but you really can't get around that in a story with a plot like this. I think this will probably go somewhere, easily. Good luck!

Omg thats so cute
X3

la la love.

New reader.
I love this.
:D

Have I ever told you just about how much I really love you? Well I love you!

Whoaaaaa kinky ;DDD

I think, I think - do I smell a plot twist coming up? I think so... Something is gonna happen between Shaun and Kennadi. I can smell it! I just can! :P

Omg this so awesome. The cliffhanger is killing me lol :)

love it!!!!!

Kyle Burns? As in FTSK Kyle Burns? Mmmmmmmmm he's yummy ;D

laa dee daa dee daaa love.
update :)

Aw that was so cute! I really like your story and I am excited to see where it's going to go! Can't wait for your next update! :)

Saucy ;D

Ah(:

This story is amazing!

This Shaun story is awsome(:
Makes mine look horrible lol

Oh my goodness gracious. I just absolutely love this story. Very creative and artistic.