The Sorrows of Wet Land - Comments

hm?

Wow that dude really is a bloke. Lol

thanks ^^ we're going to update faster now, sorry it took so long, I've been REALLY busy

Yay, for an update!
I still like it... of course :)
Hope there's another update on its way soon!

Awesome.Love it.

thanks everyone.

it's good. be a bit more descriptive and i can see this becoming even better than it already is. good update.

I do not usually read things like this, but it was okay. It had a few grammer mistakes as the members had said above me, but I knew what you meant to say, and I understood it. The layout hurt my eyes a little (sorry to say) but overall, good job so far.

thanks for your coments everyone, then next chapter will be soon ^^

I really like it so far. :D I'm always up for a good murder mystery.

Just try to add a little more detail and revise your work and it'll be perfect.

I can't wait to see how this progresses!

:] Sounds nice. Lent looks cute. I don't like his first name though...

"I have brains and I'm not afraid to use them!" I screamed at whoever was at the car, while I ran over toit. (Sorry, I get obsessive over when something is repeated like in... "the car.")

When I got over to the car,(delete the comma before word: "there") there was nothing there.

I felt something wrap around my ankle. I jumped - well as much as I could with something of existence,(delete the comma before word: 'around') around my ankle. I looked down and saw that there was a small but strong hand around my ankle.

"Tod!" I screamed while grabbing the book I had out of my hoodie. I slammed the my book into the hand and it let go.

"Ow!" I heard a kid voice squeakedand then out came Tod`s son. (from where?)

I looked back at Tod and rolled my eyes. "Jr. can you please go inside? Your daddy and I need to go find some villains."

(I was confused without the "your." sorry.)

xD Look at me trying to be a teacher! I'm not good at it but I just fixed something that I was confused/or annoyed about like repetitive stuff. Hope you don't mind.

wow this is pretty good!

It's a really good story so far. I'm subscribing :)

thank you for your coment it is very helpful, I think that I probabally overlooked that stuff while looking over the work. continue commenting please. I have a feeling this storry is going to be a good one.

Chapter 1 Review:

Okay, so, as before. I suggest you change the background. Try black and white, or soft subtle colors. It will make it look more appealing, among other things.

I'll start with the first chapter, pointing out the grammar/spelling mistakes. Alright, here we go:

"Its It's 8 o`clock andyour you're tired?" My co-worker,Tod, teased, nudging my arm.

"There you go being weird with your big words again,"

There should be a period there, as nothing is written after the comma.

"I have brains and I'm not afraid to use them!" I screamed atwho ever whoever was at the car, while I ran over to the car.

I think it would sound better if it was: "I have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it!" But, that's personal opinion.

I jumped, well as much as I could with something of existence, around my ankle.

This sentence confused me. I think you meant to say: I jumped as much as I could, with something around my ankle.

"Tod!" I screamed, grabbing the book I had, out of my hoodie. I slammed the book into the hand andthey it let go.

This needs to get re-checked. The bolded part doesn't flow. Maybe, remove the second comma? Also, I'm not a hundred percent sure of the second correction, but it sounds much better to me.

[...] And you knowits it's against the rules to bring your kids to work."

Where we had to go was only down the street, so it was a quick drive

Well, this sounds a bit too complex. It would sound much simpler this way: It was only down the street, where we had to go, so it was a quick drive.

When While I was driving Tod said, "you carry a book everywhere, genius?"

I slightly edited the bolded text.

[...] because Ihave had always been the weird, smart, girl.

"Its It's perfectly fine. I'm just dandy,"

[...] We need to wait for an autopsy."

"Your You're useless," I told him

Cool. So, I'm done. I've noticed you have a slight tendency so mix up its with it's and your with you're. Watch out for those, it's quite bothersome to read something with either of those two mixed up.

Plot:

I noticed two things which caught my attention. She was wearing a hoodie. I don't think that's work appropriate, much less for a Crime Scene Investigator. Also, her name wasn't mentioned once. It's only because of the chapter's title I'm able to know her name. Also, most of it was dialog and almost no details - details are very important.