The Noose - Comments

I really enjoyed reading this. The idea is quite unique, I haven't seen something based around someone being sentenced to death before, so it was a really interesting read.

Your description and imagery are really good, and I felt like I was there with your character as she walked to her death. I always find it really interesting when people write about criminals being sentenced to death. Most of the stuff I've read (which isn't a lot, believe me) has them completely innocent, or wrongly accused. I think it's great that you haven't explicitly said that, and that you still show us the feelings she has whilst waiting to die. I'm always interested in reading stuff where people humanise someone that could be labelled as a monster, and I think you've done a fab job of that here.

As for criticisms, I only have a few. You keep using ellipses (...) in places where it would be better to just use a period, or another form of punctuation, which kind of takes away from the good writing of the piece. That particular issue, or at least I think, shows at the end of the last two paragraphs. I just don't think ellipses is what should be used there at all, and being the grammar Nazi that I am, it irritates me slightly. There are also minor lapses with tense here and there, but hey aren't as major.

I don't think I could pick out any other faults in this, it's a very solid piece of writing, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this!

Wow, that was so cool. I guess that probably isn't the most intelligent review you've gotten, but it was. It was really intelligent, and the wording was so good, it made you imagine that it was you being escorted to your death. I thought it was amazing.

This was amazing. I can't even find the words... Amazing detail, imagery, and I loved the last word she spoke.

so intense, yet straight-forward. i love the imagery.
this had me captivated right until the end.
if you don't win that contest, it's a stupid contest. (;

so intense, yet straight-forward. i love the imagery.
this had me captivated right until the end.
if you don't win that contest, it's a stupid contest. (;

This was sooooooooooooo awesome, dude.
I've never read a story quite like this.
It was filled was brilliant imagery and discription.
The emotion was also amazing, and I could feal the fear and anticipation right along with her.
I like how you never gave her a name, how it was just a story of death.
Very simple, and yet very memorable.

Amazing...Spectacular... I have yet to read your other entry... but if it's as good as this - you might just have to entries going through to the second round.

Just... Wow...

This was just...amazing. That word isn't even enough.

This was thrilling, suspenseful, edge-of-your-seat scary, moving, eye-opening, Aaden is out of adjectives...

Wonderfully written, darling.

Intense. Scary. Realistic. Palm-sweating, pulse-racing, perfection.

A ball in my throat.

Gorgeously written.

Doctor

This was just.. wow
I absolutely loved it!

This was just amazing.
<3

Wow, that was tremendously spectacular.
I really love how you wrote this, focusing only on what was going to happen.
I like how you brought in the whole 'tomorrow' business and kept in there, showing that life will continue on, nothing will stop just because of a death.

It's quite frightening to think about it all, I wouldn't know what I'd do if I had to wake up knowing that that's my last day.
I guess I'd hope that I lived my life as much as I wanted to, but the fact that she was locked up.
I enjoy every part of this.

Spectacular.

*cough* This will be my attempt at a review.*cough*

The sun peered out of the horizon
This may not even be something, but it seems like something. Just by using the word peered, it seems as if the sun knows what's going on that day, what's happening in death row. It's like the sun has to peer over the horizon because it's scared of what's coming, it doesn't want to rise like the happiest thing alive. :] That personification really makes you think, and it also adds to the drama. (Psst, and that was only reading that line.)

This morning, she was scheduled to die.
One simple line. Straight to the point, no messing around. The truth and nothing but the truth.

The sun spilled into the musty cell, its rays illuminating the once darken room
^^ darkened or dark

I like how in the paragraph where that sentence above was taken from that you rely on the cold, dark vibes from everything in the room, regardless of the fact that the sun has given her some light. It's like the cell signifies her state of mind, even if there is sun...there's no hope for her. She knows that she's going to die, so there's no point in waiting for a last appeal or what have you from a lawyer. It's like the mindset when someone commits suicide. There is no other way out, there's nothing to see past and nothing to look forward to.

And then the paragraph after that, you portrayed the ignorance of the world through birds singing their joyous songs. People don't realize what's going on, who's dying, we just carry on with our lives...even though someones life is ending.

She chuckled again, aware of the fact that tomorrow the birds will also sing, the spider will also thread but she would not be around to see or hear them.
That validates how it is. :] Everyone keeps on going, regardless of what's happened. It's just another death. :/

She could not fathom the thought of no tomorrow, for there always was a tomorrow. But now, there was no tomorrow, there will never be a tomorrow; it was just today.
That made me catch my breath. It's extremely powerful and it's coming to terms with facing the inevitable. It makes it all that much scarier because she knows that she is going to die, it's not like she can stop it from happening. One door is closing, and no more are opening.

She wanted to die clean, both of dirt and of sin.
Another well thought out line. :] I like the double meaning behind it.

Another chuckle; it was her way to ward off the tears.
And it just shows how cynical prisoners get too.

But inside, her soul screamed for freedom, to get away. It screamed for a tomorrow.
I like how you keep this idea of 'tomorrow' as a theme to the story, and how we all know that there's not going to be a tomorrow. We can always hope, but we know that there's a noose waiting out there for her somewhere. Her tomorrow isn't going to come. It's rather frightening.

The fear constraint
^^ constrained

There was no third ring for her, there was only silence…
An eerie way to end a powerful story.

Other things I liked about this was that you didn't focus on her crimes. All that we're told is that they were bad enough to send this woman to death row and then onto the gallows. Also, there's no apparent time frame, so it could be way back in the past. I guess the only clue about the time frame is the fact that countries don't use hanging as a method of execution...well, not a whole bunch of them do anyways. So there's still a whole lot left up to the imagination of the readers.

And it's also quite good because it could be evolved into a novel(lla). :]

Wow! I completly loved this! It was...intense. You held me captivated! I've never really thought about this type of thing.
You had me at the edge of my seat. Very well written.

:}

"But now, there was no tomorrow, there will never be a tomorrow; it was just today."
^I think that was my favorite line in the whole thing.

This caught my attention really fast (a feat, considering I was falling asleep at the keyboard before I read this). I loved the details in this, and how everything in it just flowed together so nicely. I liked the emotions, and how the character was trying to maintain an air of dignity at the hour of her death.

You're a talented writer.

That was really intense. I think I might have held my breath until the end.

I liked how you had things set up; it all flowed so well together.

Oh man. This was...

Yeah - that's it. It was just ...

I can't even find a word good enough to describe it. Well freaking done!

Had me on the edge of my seat; the details, the surrealness of it...It's almost scary to think about. I always used to think about my last day alive, and I always saw myself having the time of my life...But this is such a change to my image, that it scares me. Bravo.
Amazing detail; not too much, not too little. Simply perfect. :)

That was creepily good.
It sent shivers down my spine with all the details and everything.
I agree with ipod lover it must be such an incredibly odd thing to wake up and it's your last day ever. It's probably so scary.
This is SUPER good. Keep up with writing, you're amazing at it.