Take Me Down to Bat Country, My Synyster Queen - Comments

When I saw the title, I knew that A7X was going to be a part of it and I got excited. I used to listen to them, but never really read fan fiction so I was really looking forward to what you had to write.

I thought that the little italic introduction was nice, I thought it was well done, and it did make me want to read more of your story. I must say that your spacing is a little bit of a problem. It makes the story a little hard to read and follow. So that is something you should keep in mind. Formatting of a story is a pretty important aspect to a story because it can hinder the reader experience and it makes the story a little less enjoyable.

Typically, starting a sentence with a "but" is a no no. Usually, but suggests a continuation of the sentence, so watch out for that a little. Also I found the start a little choppy where she is describing what she is doing. Try working on the fluidity of passages a little more and things will be miles, miles better.

I love when characters in stories use nicknames. I always think that is really cute and I'm glad you chose to incorporate that in the story. "Synny Wynny" is a really cute one to use, and I enjoyed that.

The scene where she caught Alex with someone else was intense, and I thought that it added a nice amount of punch to the story. It did kind of come out of nowhere and I wasn't expecting that. With that being said, I really did enjoy that you included something that caused drama to the plot. (Chapter 1).

There are some grammar errors and sentence structure errors as well, but a little more editing will be great for you.

I must commend you on two things because I think you've done a really nice job. One aspect is writing in the present tense. Writing in the present tense is not an easy task and you do it nicely. Also it's not always easy to have a story that is dialogue driven, but you did it and it was done nicely.

Good so far, but you need to space out your sentences and paragraphs to make it easier to read. I usually don't read a story if it's hard to read, but yours is actually pretty good with an interesting plot line, so I think if you change the spacing you'll gain quite a few readers who will love it. :)

I've noticed a couple grammatical errors, mostly "was", where there should be "were." Also, you don't really need apostrophes in ALL words that end in S. I just thought that I should point that out to you. Also, maybe spacing out your chapters a little bit might make them easier to read? I noticed that you didn't really capitalize at the beginning of a sentence, either. Despite all that, the story was very cute. Odd of me to say, because I don't usually like fantasy, but good job!

both time!

Cute story, keep writing. :)

pixie vampire? ...lol!

Hey sweetie, I'm not going to report you, because I think that's ignorant and stupid. It's a pain in the ass to deal with too, but your layout is kinda hard to read. Just where the text is. It's red, and the text is purple, which makes it hard to read. Go for a solid color as your background text. It makes it easy to read.

Anyways, it's good so far. :]
Good luck!