Please Don't Try to Win - Comments

wow, thank you very much for recommending this to me. I loved it.
I'm seriously still in shock about the whole thing. I felt like crying as the little girl recounted how the young man made all these promises to her, yet he broke almost each and everyone of them. It was so sad, and it really impacted me. I keep thinking about the people who have to go through this everyday. The story went amazing with the picture. Amazing job dear! :)

This was really deep and I liked that. Especially the "If you play alone you will never lose" thing. Which is true. Time to start playing Mario Kart alone. :D XD

Anyway. A bit of trivia for you. The first story I was asked to read was about parents fighting and a girl crying in her room. The second had the word "Bee" in the title. And yours was about parents fighting and a girl crying in her room, and the girl's nickname was Bee. XD That is just creepy.

The layout was really nice. In the summary page, it backs up a little bit into the picture, but then when you click on the chapter it fixes itself and it was a really beautiful layout. Your description was fantastic. And I like how you didn't mention who the man was. Obviously it had to be her brother because he referred to their parents as Mom and Dad, but you never said 'her brother'. And I felt myself being so sorry for the poor little girl. :( You have a lot of human contact and I like that. <3 Also like how she tried to break it up before she realized it wasn't going to work.

Very nice. :)

This was amazing.
I really, really enjoyed how it went back and forth between her memory and then her present.
I think that you're writing style is lovely and your word choice is flawless.

Seriously, amazing, amazing job.

I tend to be a line-catcher, and one line I liked in particular was this one;The screams were wafting through the walls, coming closer and closer. They penetrated her skull like knives, attacking her sanity. This was so beautifully written, and so depressing. The banner really suited what was going on, and I hope you know you have some talent here.

I remeber reading this. It was sad how she was left alone by the person who loved her most. Parents suck sometimes.

:D It was amazing! I liked how it went back and forth between memory and reality. I loved the last few sentences.

I liked this.
I liked how it went back and forth, it made it intriguing.
I like your writing overall. It had a good plot and was written well, amazing descriptions.
It was something I found enjoyable. :D

The heart with a hearbeat, that was creepy but great.
I enjoyed it so much.

"Cross the street and walk until I hit the crazy cat lady's house!" that made my day.

I have to say I was a bit confused. But the story itself was amazing. I felt bad for Bee.
This was great.

:}

Oh my God, this was so sad. It made me want to cry.

Great job on it.

It was as if the house had a heartbeat; a heartbeat with a violent tale to tell. - I kind of really love this
The part where the young man was leaving was so heartbreaking :(
Oh, the ending wasn't what I was expecting. I thought it would end with a bang, but I guess this is good too. :)

You did an amazing job with this.
It was so sad, and really tugged at my heart.
I loved it ♥

That was a sad story.
Poor Bee, I couldn't imagine living like that.
Good job on it.

I'm left speechless.
This was so good, but so depressing...

It was as if the house had a heartbeat; a heartbeat with a violent tale to tell.

You are Amazing. At first I thought that she was in some war torn country but then... she wasn't. She was just in a war torn home.

It wasn't depressing, I thought it was rather real. I know plenty children who go through this feel like this. Let me make a random guess and say... is the guy her older brother?

I liked it. I do hope you win or won. It was fantastic, even if it was terribly depressing. To me, I believed everything fitted correctly. Fantastic job!

I really liked this. The back and forth through time was really intriguing. There was really only one part that I didn't like.

He had lied. He had said he was coming back.

That part, I think, is much too blunt. Maybe something more subtle like, "She felt the absence of him, still now, everywhere she looked."

Something to say he's not there, but not simply 'he lied'.

This is beautiful.
I like how it changes from past to present, in a sense.
It was easy to understand, and yet still had a hint of mystery to it.
Very well written and unique, despite being sad.
I enjoyed reading. =]

I just wanted to tell you that this was beautiful.
It's so shockingly innocent, considering what it's talking about.

They penetrated her skull like knives, attacking her sanity. The drunken yells, the angry retorts; they were slowly killing her.
This really shows the girl's pain, it speaks volumes even though it's only 20 words.

Wonderful work. (:

This is really heartbreaking. Extremely well written...extraordinary, at least. I love this.

The layout didn't give me a headache, but that was only because I highlighted it.

/Asshole.

Well done. :D

Doctor