this really took me by surprise. i loved your slow, teasing unveiling of the story and the situation. so perfect.
It's funny, how, when it started with Bert and they both thought it'd end with Bert, it didn't. great opener! like, really great. skillfully introducing the story whilst giving nothing away. (commas between "how" are a bit superfluous though)
He bought the camera- not Quinn; he shut the curtains and Quinn never bothered to open them up again. love this too - the way the curtains just mean curtains but at the same time mean that he's letting in darkness.
No difference really- he thought, as strangers fawned over and pressed greedy fingerprints to his skin- what was so much worse about hands than eyes? i like the way he seems to be clinging to his former self here, & ideas of dignity/pride. it's as though he's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't really believe.
Quinn wondered, excited as the day they met, if Bert had aged at all, as he felt a man push past his own cracked lips. just so grotesque, sick and sad. great line.
overall: amazing. as far as the actual writing goes there's nothing i'd change. however, some grammatical pedantry: "definately" should be definitely; Now, he didn't need the camera they used to use, but it still lay on the desk opposite the bed- watching but not remembering needs a full stop & there should be a space on either side of each dash (like - this).
It's funny, how, when it started with Bert and they both thought it'd end with Bert, it didn't. great opener! like, really great. skillfully introducing the story whilst giving nothing away. (commas between "how" are a bit superfluous though)
He bought the camera- not Quinn; he shut the curtains and Quinn never bothered to open them up again. love this too - the way the curtains just mean curtains but at the same time mean that he's letting in darkness.
No difference really- he thought, as strangers fawned over and pressed greedy fingerprints to his skin- what was so much worse about hands than eyes? i like the way he seems to be clinging to his former self here, & ideas of dignity/pride. it's as though he's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't really believe.
Quinn wondered, excited as the day they met, if Bert had aged at all, as he felt a man push past his own cracked lips. just so grotesque, sick and sad. great line.
overall: amazing. as far as the actual writing goes there's nothing i'd change. however, some grammatical pedantry: "definately" should be definitely; Now, he didn't need the camera they used to use, but it still lay on the desk opposite the bed- watching but not remembering needs a full stop & there should be a space on either side of each dash (like - this).
love!