Betsy Ann - Comments

I actually ridiculasly loved this. You have maddddd writing skill.

This made me go all "lolwut?" then a little bit of "omgwtfbbq" with some "rotflolomwaapap". ......Yeah.
It freaked me out.

Chapter 1.
Good, I only caught a few grammatical errors, a second read could do you well. You do well by showing rather than telling. I enjoyed your title font, so plain but it screams horror. I really liked your description of the flames licking.

Chapter 2.
The apostrophe in the word batons is not neccassary. I think you could describe the pages better, perhaps something along the lines of "..alarmed by the amounts of black ink flooding the white pages."

Chapter 3.
With every step she took, the spirit of a new soul grew inside her. One of my favorite lines, I liked how ominous it is. I think you could revise the second half of it though, it's a bit repeatative.

All in all, your use of words are poetic and not forced in anyway. By the way, my story was for my honors college english class too:)

Okay, I really, REALLY love how you set this up in the first part of the first chapter.

I noticed a couple grammatical errors and some points where things were worded a little bit confusingly; for example, the scene where the nurse was strapping the little girl onto the stretcher. But I'm DEFINITELY intrigued.

I only read the first chapter so far, as my brain is fried at the moment after a long, exhausting day, but I'm subscribing. (Not something I do often.) This is certainly different and I'm anxious to see where you take this. =)

one of the best stories i have read on here in a long time. amazing job.

This story was insanely good! Sorry for the pun!