November 30th, 2007 at 03:52am
This story isn't bad at all. :)
However, I think that one of the reasons as to why you feel your story isn't getting much attention, is because of a number of things.
I think that the word you've chosen to write the word "you", is probably not appropriate and straight away, that would put people off. I'm not master, but I know that if you don't write in standard english, people probably won't be "attracted" to your story.
Furthermore, i've noticed quite a few grammar mistakes. Again, i'm not master but I really do think that these would come in handy:
Clicky number one.
Clicky number two.
Clicky number three.
I hope they help and if you need any help, feel free to PM me.
keep it up :D