Good job on the new summary. I liked how you wrote about each main character seperatly in paragraphs and then brought them together in the last paragraph. It looks rather interesting. I loved the update as well, your descriptions were nice and I could picture the scenes in my head. Three writing mistakes caught my eyes and those are: 1) I woke up alone and naked him his bed. --> in 2) Me was hard almost instantly. --> He 3) My tounge glides along the tip, making him shiver. --> tongue That's all from me, bye. XD
Good job on the new summary. I liked how you wrote about each main character seperatly in paragraphs and then brought them together in the last paragraph. It looks rather interesting. I loved the update as well, your descriptions were nice and I could picture the scenes in my head. Three writing mistakes caught my eyes and those are: 1) I woke up alone and naked him his bed. --> in 2) Me was hard almost instantly. --> He 3) My tounge glides along the tip, making him shiver. --> tongue That's all from me, bye. XD
Comment swap brought me here: Let me start iff and say you havw very good discription in your story. I noticed two things right away that take away from your story as a whole. 1. You used o.O in the middle of your story to express a characters narration. 2. Over puncutation at the end of chapter one you put !?!?!?!?!?them just ?! Would have gotten the point across. Anyways, your plot seems to be going somewhere interesting. Good luck with this story.
The description or short summary or whatever you wanna call it, should be re-written. I like the facts you used but it doesn't look well. :) That doesn't mean I don't like your story though because the chapters are awesome, so keep on writing it cause I'm subscribing to this. I love it. And also in your chapters you desribed everything and the tention between their feelings. :) Simply amazing. :)
I'm a bit confused...So how old is Moon? And how old is Sky? By the way, at first she seemed kind of innocent, but the later the story goes, the less innocent she gets! Good story though! Please continue!