My Story - Comments

Wow, this was actually a pretty interesting set of chapters. The format isn't one that I'm used to, but it didn't distract me from the reading at all. This is well-written and rather riveting. i would love to see if you ever update this.

I fixed it, thanks. I never noticed that before. I wrote them separately, but then noticed how if I lined them up, they sort of fit together.

The first chapter is written in second person while the next is in the first.
This is not usually a wise choice.
You can put in the second chapter that it's the girl's P.O.V etc.. If you don't, readers tend to get confused.
There are hints of your creativity in this piece. Don't stop writing! :D
If you want my help, I'd be more than willing to lend you a hand!