My Chance With Andy - Comments

This is sooo fucking funny and random. I love it. xD
Love ya

please make more

omg i love this story, its so cute

:) it works. I like it very much!!! :)

update =) x

hmm maybe morgana could get preggo

I was rereading your old chapters, and then it says that she hasnt seen morgana scince she was 5...she ran away with her boyfriend when she was 5?

Update! =D

w00t! Sofia, that's me.

A pretty good story..maybe slow things down a bit...and whatever stuff lalalolored has mentioned.
Other than that.. =D x

I agree with Lalalologreen. x)
it's good x)

I love Shaun's name! *o*

Lol at thre pregnancy joke...wasn't expecting it.
Andy is soooo sweet. *drooling*

Please update soooon and write a longer chappie! In which they all do get drunk and end up in trouble. :D Teehee.

We ended up going to a restaurant/bar. It was kinda classy so we didn't get drunk...well we didn't do anything we will regret... I hope!

Instead of we will, the correction is we WOULD regret.

Watch your exclamation! Not too many! Also, I think you should really emphisize each characters' personality. It seems to...robotic. I should tell you that Shaun can be kind of dark and seceretive, and the kind of humor he has is just sarcastic and most of the time perverted. Same thing goes to Andy, although he is a bit more open then Shaun. Make sure he's pretty perverted. At least crank it up to a PG-13, cause right now your at about a PG. :P Bradie isn't a bad boy and usually is the one to get pranked. Shaun Jumpnow Jennings (I just love saying his whole name) is...Shaun the Angry Emooooooooo....Remember each of their personalities, it gives the story more of a look that you can relate to, somthing you could imagine in real life. Remember, most of the time it's not 'good clean fun'. Not all giggles and what not, and it seems you're going that route with the story. So somthing more like changing:

"Well you were drunk and you went up to Bradie. You said hugging him,"I miss you! I h-h-haven't seen you in a while. I love you, bro! Hahaha."

"Aww, sorry dude!" I said hugging Bradie.

"Its okay. It was kinda funny!" He said.

"So funny!!" I said lightly punching his arm

Correction:

"Well you were drunk and you went up to Bradie. You were like 'I miss you! I h-h-haven't seen you in a while. I love you, bro" He said, laughing.

(Adding the hahaha is wrong grammer. )

What they would really do:

"Well you were drunk and you went up to Bradie. You were like 'I miss you! I h-h-haven't seen you in a while. I love you, bro!" He laughed.

"Aww, sorry man.." I said hugging Bradie and luahing

"Its okay, you were pretty fricking drunk, though." He said.

(Punching the arm thing sounds like too much adding on.)

Overall pretty good chapter, I'd LOVE to see lots of improvements!!! (:

"Give ME a hug!!!!!!!" He said whining.
"Okay, okay! Group hug!" I said.

Lol, that was really, really funny.

"Am I not getting something?" Madison's mom said.
"Oh! I forgot to tell you! Andy and I are dating now!" Madison said.
"Oh! Okay!" She said, sitting down.

o.O Mmmm, that is one unusual mom. Rather energetic.

Ok, now the real review....Your story is amusing and has pontential. You're good with grammar, spelling, vocabulary, all that shizzle...

Yet I really would like to have an insight on their relationship. Rather than plainly saying in the beginning that the two of you are great friends, introduce a flashback chapter that explains it all. Makes it sound a lot more convincing, imho.

So far, I'm really interested to see what'll happen next. Write more. :)

It seems like everyting is happening to faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssttttttt!!!!!! Try to describe stuff more, and please cut the exclamation, only use it when you really need to.

YAY! I lurve it, more plzzzz!!

I ttly lurve this! But please, when you use exclamation points, only put one of them or else my head throbszzzz......