My Broken Heart - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘Pre-Writes #2’ contest.

I really like the depth of emotions you put into this story. I’m not entirely sure of who Jenna is as a character or what exactly is happening—like what happened with him in detail or how the fight happened—but I do know that Jenna is heartbroken. Not because she practically said it, but because you can feel it in her actions and her attitude towards Miss Starnes. You also added a little more depth into Jenna’s quirks because you acknowledged how she was conditioned to think before she speaks in a harsh way so she has a strange speaking pattern, or how she stopped herself from biting her nails because her mother hates it. Those little things helped me connect to and understand Jenna in less than a thousand words, which was very impressive. Though let’s be honest, the “feed her to a pack of rabid Twilight fan girls” also showed me what kind of character Jenna was and I snorted.

You also have a very enjoyable and soft kind of prose, which fit well with the emotional aspect of this piece. So all in all, great job! This was a very well-written one-shot.

CRYING BECAUSE YOU POSTED SOMETHING AND THEN CRYING SOME MORE BECAUSE OF THE COMMENTS ABOVE THIS ONE.

RAEBAN!!!

“You threatened to, and I quote, ‘Feed her to a pack of rabid Twilight fan girls.’”
that line was funny!
as much as i loved this i hope you never finish it rae!
love you <3

This is good, rae :)
keep writing but er...don't be depressed all the time for the story haha
but at the same time you gotta vent!
i don't know where i'm going with this.
you've still got the gift for writing, girrrrrrrrrl.