May 2nd, 2013 at 02:17am
Made of Stone - Comments
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I got your story off comment swap and even though I don't really read stories like this, I did find very enjoyable to read. You are good at writing, and the story was very interesting, and intriguing. Agreeing with the other commenters, I do love the layout. It suits the story. I hate it when it is hard to read but yours, I can read it smoothly. The story plot is good and thought out, and I love the description in your chapters. Overall, this is a great story. Keep up the good work! (: x x xNovember 27th, 2012 at 09:45pm
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Comment swapping:
I agree with the other commenter's! The layout is really cool! I love it haha it's like the icing ontop of an amazingly done cake :)
I really liked the humour in your prologue and the description in your chapters is really well done. Your dialogue is good as well :) good job! keep updatingNovember 27th, 2012 at 04:03am -
(comment swap)
I know it's lame to mention the layout first but it really adds to this story. I love the background and the text is perfectly readable.
Let me mention first, i usually don't read these types of stories. I'm reviewing soley based on your writing style.
I like that you use a lot of dialogue, it keeps the reader reading and it helps move along the story and plot. You have a knack for getting a reader's attention. I like the conversation between Ryan and Harley in the prologue as well.
However in a technical sense, here comes the constructive criticism you use too many adverbs (lazily, meekly, slowly, excitedly, playfully) things like that. I know it's a fanfic but professional publishers will throw out a manuscript if it uses to many adverbs because it makes the story have a show vs. tell problem.
On show vs. tell, the only way to correct it is to look up articles on it. I recommend maria v. snyder's show vs. tell. just google if you're interested.
I hope you didn't feel like I berated you it's just constructive criticism, I think you're a good writer and your story is definitely interesting and full of things that kept me reading. :]November 26th, 2012 at 10:57pm -
*comment swap*
This story is really good. I can't wait to see where it goes. I didn't think I'd like it because I didn't know the person but it's actually really good.November 26th, 2012 at 12:34am -
I meant that you beat him up. I loved the chapter.June 21st, 2010 at 05:53am
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Poor, Harley, and poor Sal, Only I can beat up my man, but this was okay.June 21st, 2010 at 05:51am
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Aww Sal loves me!June 9th, 2010 at 06:36am
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Hehe Coffee is amazing, but I admit lately is taste so nasty. I can't wait to read more, it pulling me in and making me addicted.June 4th, 2010 at 07:58am
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Ekk I'm in love more soon please!May 23rd, 2010 at 06:09am
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Awesome beginning!
Love Envy on the Coast<3May 20th, 2010 at 12:36am -
This story is too cute!May 7th, 2010 at 08:00am
To start, I want to say that I love the layout. Although I don't usually pay attention to those sorts of things, it really added to the story. I have only read the first few chapters, but I find the storyline great. It's intriguing and easy to follow all at the same time. I love it! Keep it up :)