Stopping Just To Stare At Me - Comments

Actually, looking back over my comment, I have realised a mistake of my own. Where I said that there should be a space between the speech mark and the word 'she'? No. Space between the full stop and the speech mark.

Right. First of all, yay new story!!! Ahem. Yeah, now that's out of the way... onto the reviewing.

The first thing that jumps out at me is the lack of capitalization in the title. I've asked you to change it on MSN, though, so all is good.

This is just me being really picky, but "Archie!" has straight speech marks, whereas “Yes, sir?” and the rest of the piece has curly speech marks. I don't know why this is, but I thought I'd mention it.

Also, your chapter appears as one large lump of text to me. I can't remember if it's a rule that paragraphs should be double-spaced or whether it's just preferred, but we should probably look into that. Just sayin'. Because having one large block of text is - to me - rather distracting.

God, I hated that man, but at the same time I loved his smile and his unusually bright green eyes. They looked so inviting, so teasing. I liked this line a lot. I liked the bolded part more. It makes me think of sexxaytime. (Also, is it wrong that I automatically thought of Mr Carpenter? I don't even know why. Guess I just ~love~ that man. )

“Have you started it? And why are you still here, eh?” In this sentence, you've used italics to put emphasis on the word 'are'. However, I think it would have worked better if you'd italicized 'you' - “Have you started it? And why are you still here, eh?” That's probably just me, though.

...first fail.”She sobbed... There should be a space between the speech mark and the word 'she'.

I resisted at first, as felt liked I would betraying Mr Jarret. I swear my face was just like DON'T GO BETRAYIN' MR JARRET! Also, I keep thinking of Luke. Stupid Jarret(t).

She dropped her bag half down the street, but she didn’t look back. She just continued running. THIS PERSON IS OBVIOUSLY A BAD KISSER.

All in all, Alex, you did preeety good. I subscribed because I'm awesome like that, and I'm looking forward to more from you.

Ha. I has first comment!

You's dedicated it to me?! I lus you!

It was awesome before hand, you only spelt a few things wrong and a few grammar mistakes. Uzzer zan zat, eet was fine.

I think I'm going French. o_0