A Day at the Beach - Comments

I was definitely expecting something different when I read the title. 'A Day at the Beach' is way more deceiving than I thought it would be. At first I was a little confused about what was happening and it all just sounded like one weird drabble but as it progressed, I understood what was going on. It was really well written and I like it. Good job.

(comment swap)
I think my favourite thing about this is how the title conjured a completely different image in my head to what it was actually about. I was shocked when I read more and realised that I was completely wrong. I loved the description, it made the story really powerful and I don't actually think I can fault it. There was so much emotion in it and really grabbed my attention and held it all the way through.

~From Comment Swap:

I thought you had a great lyrical style. Your descriptions and imagery are great, and I thought that the meshing of the rumination on the events and what the narrator was doing at the present. The whole thing was greatly emotionally provocative.

You had a lot of imagery and description, which I loved! The way you describe the beach in a depressing way really gives emotion to the story and adds to the character's pain.

I really loved this line: "The sound of the door whispering my arrival, the raw anger I saw in your face, the texture of the worn-down leather of your suit case, the smell of a lonesome bottle of spilled vodka in your chair, and the taste of remorse that still danced in my mouth." It gave the reader an idea of what was going on in the character's mind and some insight into why they were so upset. I like that you used images to describe what was wrong instead of just coming out and saying it.

Wow... I really felt every emotion in this story.
This is one of my favorites. :)

The emotion was really there and it was really powerful.
It was beautiful and descriptive but seemed simple in the say way.

The waves became higher, the splashing more violent and before long I could not distinguish between the ocean's tears and my own.

I loved that little bit right there. It was so honest and blunt and sad and pretty all at once.

I also found the part where she (or maybe he, it just came across to me as a she but I could be wrong) screamed because that seemed so real and it was just so amazing.

This is so amazingly written. At first, I wasn't very convinced when I started reading, but the further I went, the more interested I got. I love the description you use, not the same as the rest. Mostly when you described his smile.

The ending is what really got to me. I could feel her bliss and sorrow, making me feel confused. I didn't know if I should smile or frown.

Such a stunning one-shot, and to think it's based off memories.
Beautiful.