The Truth about Dying - Comments

I really liked the writing style in this. There were parts that were a bit redundant, but they actually added to the story, I thought. I was surprised when I read in the author's note that this is your first time writing this style, it seems like you have a lot of natural skill for it. I loved the raw emotions, and how you sort of told it like it is, but at the same time it wasn't blunt. I particularly loved the last four paragraphs, the anger, desperation, and melancholy were amazing. The ending was beautifully sad, and I liked how it tied in with the title.

This is fantastic!

The voice is so unique and honest and the plot was stunning. It's so beautiful, good luck in the contest. :)

wow, i almost cried at the simple truth and meaning in this story, well done :D

Beautiful.
I love the whole thing, the context of it. People can really relate. I love the comparison to alcohol, and the introduction was an interesting way of staring it. The second person worked brilliantly, you have an amazing writing style. Keep up the good work!

This was raw, so fucking raw. It hit me in a way that I didn't think to be possible, and I agree with all of the above comments. It was brutally honest and since it was in second person I think it made the story even more great. It left me with tons and tons of questions that will remain unanswered because of the way it ended, and I love that it left me hanging on the edge, waiting for that push, that ending. It was just, wonderful.

Fuck.
That was gorgeous.
It was simple and beautiful and bitter yet sweet.
But most of all it was honest.

And I loved your second person. Some people can't pull it off but you made it amazing.
I think this is one of my favourites.

Story Review Game:

Layout: I like how the layout is simple and doesn't distract the reader from the story content. Also, the picture is really cool! :)

Summary: I like how your summary is short, but tells enough to let the reader have an idea of what your story is about.

Review of Chapter One: For your chapter title, you spelled "spirit" wrong.

"I can vaguely remember my mom’s drunken friends telling their drunken stories of how they’d catch their drunken boyfriends drunkenly cheating."
^^^This sentence is sort of redundant; your repeated use of "drunken" can annoy the reader a bit, so maybe you can try using "intoxicated" or "tipsy" instead. :)

"I can vaguely remember thinking, 'That won’t ever happen to me.'"
^^^You should remove the double quotation marks on "That won't ever happen to me" and italicize her thought instead.

"Except I wasn’t drunk and neither were you, my sober boyfriend, who was fucking the seventeen year old girl who worked at the sandwich shop down the street in the bed we shared."
^^^"Seventeen year old girl" needs a dash between seventeen and year, and year and old (e.g seventeen-year-old) because you're using it as an adjective to describe the girl.

When I read about that part on how she died, it was really sad. Especially because he "watched her bleed for a little bit" before he left, abandoning her dead body. It's also interesting how she didn't know what she was anymore, which brings us the question: what do we become after we die?

I can almost hear the desperation in her voice when she wants him to show some sort of reaction, but he never does. The reader can feel pity/compassion towards the girl, because their nearly two years of being together didn't seem to mean anything to him. :(

Overall:: I like your writing style. The content was great, too, and it's also relatable in many ways. For example, to anyone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend cheat on them, this story could easily relate to them. I also like how you incorporated the topic of death in here, and made the girl still feel pain even after she died. Great job!

What a way to go, falling down stairs. (._.)
And that man-whore. How dare he, but it's the sad truth, and people do it.
It really sucks to look at life like this, but it's just how it is.

You did a great job, and good luck on the contest.

that was really good it actually made me stop and think which i think is the main purpose of writing anything