October 27th, 2011 at 06:39pm
Your descriptions are absolutely gorgeous. :O It's so vivid and a perfect way to draw me into this story; I'm already hooked.
The only thing I could think to change about this was that you should put an extra space between each paragraph. Not only does it make it easier to read, but you could get reported for it.
This was the only place Ricky could come to, harboring the most chaotic of emotional messes in her heart and the most erratic of mindsets in her head, and still could not help but take in and adapt to the contagious serenity this lonesome site radiated all around.
She reminds me of me. You can tell that confusion is rampant in her life, and that she is desperately searching for some kind of serenity; some kind of closure.
As the wind blew past, the enchanting scent of slightly distant pine trees, mixed with the essence of salty water brought upon her a sort of romanticized trance.And while the light breeze blew past, touching her sun heated golden skin, winching a few strands of her wavy hair along with its flow, for just a particle of an infinite second in this utopia state of mind, Ricky just stopped thinking.
Her mind went quiet.
That paragraph was incredibly beautiful and well-written. I had a distinct, clear picture in my mind of a girl sitting alone in some kind of valley or ravine, sitting for hours, staring at the sky and contemplating about every aspect of life. I do things like that often enough.
To me, the fact that it was stated in the end that she was okay brought the whole thing together. Wonderful job, and I hope that this was long enough. I loved it.