Naomi - Comments

I love it please update

This was great. I exspecially like the second paragraph. I liked the part where you said: the late night sky was pitch black, sprinkled with yellow stars.

Very well written. :)

I really like this.
The emotion was great.
Well done :)

Oh, god.
I usually hate vampire fics.
I almost cried. And I never cry.
The plot was genius. And you're an amazing writer.
I loooved this, really.
:D

Emotional, brilliant, intense.

I loved this. :D

This was pretty damn good. This wasn't one of those cliche vampire tales, which was one of the first I've ever read.

Good job! (:

I wanted to cry. This was really good =)

wow, this story drew me in from the beginning and i had to keep reading; if i didn't i would've missed out on a great story! [:

Wow, this is really amazing. Really intense, too. I almost cried at the end D: I agree with love alice; about the vampire cliches. This definitely was not one of those, haha!
And I agree with love alice; again about the layout. It seems like a cool story such as this needs an equally cool layout (: <3

Wow, this was really good. I've grown tire of the vampire stories on this site because they really are just too cliche, and I didn't like the reference to the cliche plot in the story but it was decently original. I was expecting him to turn her into a vampire at the end but it was refreshing to see a human girl die. I'm glad the baby lived though. This was a very nice one-shot, I only wish you had made a layout to go with it.:)

Brilliant! Absolutely loved it!

The plot was awesome. :)
I really enjoyed this. :)
Great job!

I loved the plot. <3
It was so, so good.
This was very powerful - with your emotions and descriptions.
Great job!

The first thing that kind of throws me off is the lack of summary. Normally I won't read stories without a summary. Sorry, just a small pet peeve of mine.

I liked the concept of the story and how it really touched reality. The story was slightly sad.... Nice to see amongst all the romances on this site. I also liked how realistic the emotions in the story. Your writing is good, I liked this story.

This was really good. I felt his intense need to find her. It was intense, and detrimental. The descriptions were great as were the metaphors. True amazment

=') I almost cried at the end.
This was amazing..
Your a great author...

This was great :]
It wasn't the cliche "You're fatally wounded, but you'll live anyway"
Very well written :]

I love the plot. <3
Just a few errors.

Naomi- Challenge fic for Drinkme;
Words: Standing where we first locked eyes
Word Count: 1515
For once, I own everything. Plot line and characters © Nagaina (I’ve been waiting for the day when I could write that) Idea basis curtsey of Drinkme. Once again, it’s a fantasy type story, so I can do pretty much whatever the hell I want. And I’ll admit it’s a slight bit forced. Hopefully it’s not too terrible.

You can put the first half in the summary and the second half in the author's note. This beginning bit does not belong in the chapter.

Second, please double space the paragraphs. It's much easier to read and plus the guidlines state so.

I found some grammatical errors. For example:
This is a sentence. (This is a sentence in brackets)
should be
This is a sentence (this is a sentence in brackets).
The period is misplaced.

Other than those errors, I found this pleasantly good. It was really sad at some parts and Iiked it. Keep on writing! You have potential. ^^

Aww, oh my god.
The ending was so depressing, I almost cried. Seriously.
Your writing was great! And so was your plot.
Braaaaavo.