Finding the Piece That Fits - Comments

  • Renee Says;

    Renee Says; (100)

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    I loved thiss. :D
    You are amazing. :p
    June 8th, 2010 at 06:58am
  • SilentWolf

    SilentWolf (100)

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    I really enjoyed this. It was nice to have it build up to her and Jared and have more background information. Although I thought it ended rather sudden. I was hoping to have it a longer and more of Jared and Sonya. I was also hoping for an appearance from Matthew. Maybe a little fight to cause drama or something.

    It was a good one-shot and I wish you the best of luck. I would also like to add that the writing was pretty good too. I don't think anything was lacking in the writing.
    June 6th, 2010 at 07:07am
  • Taylor;

    Taylor; (100)

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    I'd have to agree that I would have liked to read more interaction/ storyline between Jared and Sonya but, the information at the beginning does set up the story as having a more reserved character around men after leaving a bad relationship.

    I thought the comic relief of Jared did help ease the tension in the story but, it was obviously still there and Jared realized it, it's sweet that after he realizes why her demeanor is somewhat closed off that he wants to be the man to show her that not all men will hurt her.
    June 5th, 2010 at 12:32pm
  • sonya6w

    sonya6w (100)

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    I really liked this. There aren't many Jared stories out there. So, WOOT for getting Jared :D I absolutely loved the "Its a Staal thing" line. I wouldve imagined that Jordan would say something like that, but those gingers, they are something. I think in real life, I'd like be all over Jared in a heart beat, than be difficult with him. He'd be like "Hi, I'm Jar-" then BAM! We'd be back in the bedroom. Okay, I'm gunna stop before I get too carried away...
    June 4th, 2010 at 06:18am
  • BMWbuttercup

    BMWbuttercup (100)

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    Awesome story. I like the 3rd person not many people can pull off a interesting 3rd person like that. Nice job. It was very creative! I like how it started with the bad boyfriend and then went onto Jared. And I like how you like led it up to the end with Jared wanting to get to know her. I think I would've liked to see a little more emotion with your characters like there good characters but just bring them out a little more. It was a cute little story with a nice story line, although a little more detail would have brought it over the top! But it was still awesome beside that. Nice Job!!
    June 3rd, 2010 at 11:35pm
  • PensRock

    PensRock (100)

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    YEAH It looks like Jared finally cooperated. Glad he stopped being so difficult. I'll talk to him for you.

    You know I love the Staals so I was so excited to see you got Jared. Not enough Jared out there.

    “I thought he was with Melanie, I didn't mean for him to bother you.”
    “He hasn't,” Sonya told him. “He's a cute kid.”
    “Yeah, its a Staal thing.”
    - - oh that's such a Staal thing to say. LOL Loved it!

    Good Luck!!!!!!
    June 3rd, 2010 at 03:24am
  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    Let me start with this, very nice job! :) Technically there is a little work that can be done. A few places where there was a missing letter or a misplaced letter. So just for the next time work on that aspect a little more. All in all I thought that it was well executed with the technical aspect of things.

    Onto the creative side of things. I liked the general idea I really did enjoy it a lot. The whole abusive boyfriend is a great topic to do and to have that other person be the savior. I like that idea very much so. I thought the execution of the idea was done fairly well. I liked the story over all but I felt that it lacked focus on Jared and Sonya and focused a little more on Melanie and Cam. Which they were great characters don't get me wrong they added to the story a great deal. I just wish there was a little more on Jared and Sonya together. I thought that the comparison to her life and Melanie's was a nice touch to the story. I did enjoy that. I thought how Jared and Sonya met was very adorable and the last line of the story was just amazing. However I did wish there was a little more that built up to it.

    All in all good job and good luck in the contest!
    June 3rd, 2010 at 01:55am
  • shopaholic

    shopaholic (100)

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    loved it! and good luck ur bound to win :P
    June 3rd, 2010 at 01:51am