Whisper Me a Prayer - Comments

I have to agree with everyone else's comments, this was sweet, really comforting story. You are an amazing writer, which is hard to come across; someone who writes stories and keeps the readers hooked, intriguing.

Wow! That was and oddly comforting story. I really can't describe it. But it was slow and beautiful and dark a little. I am going to leave a really shitty review because Isa basically said everything I wanted to say. I love it, plain and simple. I am going to whore it in my keep the faith story, Early Sunsets :)

Oh, Shal.

I think you know by now that Keep the Faith fics pull at my heartstrings like no other. This was no exception.

I don't know how to explain this, but you improved so much from your earlier fics. You were a good writer before, but now it seems you've mastered the words and put them together in a way that flowed so smoothly, transitioning beautifully from thought to thought.

There were so many wonderful, exquisite sentences.

I just needed to say something, you crossed my mind that many times, so asked the angels to watch over you. Then I wondered if that was even possible – do angels look over other angels? Why would they waste their time looking after one of their own?

You lingered on me for an eternity, for so long that I couldn’t wash away the dirt and sin scorching my lips. The same lips that swore never to lose faith.

“How long has it been since you told me you loved me.”

“I don’t know, Gerard, how long?”

“Too long.”

I’ll whisper a prayer for you today. And tomorrow. And the rest of my shallow life, until you find what you lost.

Yourself.

The setting where you placed this was both original and heartbreaking. There's some disjointedness expressed in this, like a rambling mind, pleading for someone to realize what's happening in front of them, hoping for faith to save them.

There's a poignancy you captured by using God and angels and prayers. It makes it sacred and much more shameful to taint, and it's just... I can't explain it anymore.

I love it so.

[Btw, would you want to post this in the Keep the Faith collection too?]

Wow.
tbh, I normally avoid much to do with MCR, because I'm not that much of a fan, but I'm so glad I read this. It was amazing. As simple as.

“I don’t know, Gerard, how long?”

I love the fact that this is the only time that I think any name is actually mentioned.
It's just the simplest, but most effective clue as to who the characters in the story are, and everything just slots so nicely into place after it.

I'm not sure there's much I can add that the person above hasn't already pointed out so well.
Your turn of phrasing is unparalleled by anything I've read so far on here.
It was just amazing.
This has probably been a really unhelpful comment.
But I'm too blown away to construct a comment in a helpful way.

Just...wow. it was breathtaking

Fuck, Shal.
That was amazing.
That was seriously amazing. Inspiring. Astounding.

How do you do it, how do you turn phrases like that?
-admiring smile-

The whole story fit together so well. Ran together. It was smooth, it flowed like a liquid, occasionally the flow's continuity broken with the flashbacks, or just flashes, out of the head of the narrator.

I love the start, I really do.
But I am madly in love with the ending, which I will marry in one of those states of America with the "loose marriage laws" -grin-

Favourite lines;
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Abrupt. Perfect.

But however hollow or incomplete, I’d never felt more whole in my life.
The whole passage on anguish was excellent, but this line ... made me pause.

The drug I wouldn’t deny myself.
Wouldn't, not couldn't. I adore the distinction.

We’re almost there. Almost.
That bridged the gap between the rest of the text, and the short lines of dialogue. Helped the flow.

the most insecure fucker
The use of language was marvellous, it made the story that much more ... raw. I like that. Raw is good. Raw is emotion. Raw is authentic.

13 cigarettes. 2 bourbons, a few flirty smiles. Roaring crowds. Topless girls. You. Me. And the rest of the world.
The mix of impersonal, statistical, numerics, listing; and the imagery created by the list. Again, excellent.

And the end.
Not separated too much - the sentences placed delicately ... -shives- it feels like snowflakes falling onto my skin. Gently landing into place.

Brilliant, Shalisa.

Thankyou, Isa, for starting me off.

I love you.

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