Walking Disaster - Comments

Yay, I'm glad! :) Thanks again.

Yes, yes. The edited version is much better. The purpose of the questions was to add more detail within the story -- a bit more depth. And I wouldn't have taken the time to review if I didn't believe it could be great. Good job, keep up the good work!

I wasn't sure how go change the size, so I just changed the layout, lol. :) I think it looks more normal now?

it's okay to change the size of the picture
it seems so strange that it's to big for the layout :z

Thank you for the feedback. :) I'll tweak it to make it more understandable. And as for your questions:
-Her friends were cookie-cutters who were also trying to be perfect, and they were much more successful at it than Laura. So, she wanted nothing to do with them as well.
-Family: The grandparents are dead, parents were single children.
-Homeless shelters are good places to be for people like Laura, but sometimes they aren't always an option. They have limited spacing. Or perhaps she thought she was "too good" for a shelter. Regardless, I wanted her to live on the streets to show more of a struggle.
-Prostitution: She doesn't want her parents to be able to track her down through a real job. Prostitutes are an under-the-table kind of deal.
-McDonalds: I imagined it being close to where she was hiding. Like across the street or something. I imagined her in a downtown environment. In most cities I've been to, fast food joints are more accessible than proper grocery stores in these types of areas.

I hope this helps! :)

I like your imagination, it can take you to be a really good writer, just keep practicing and you will be very good

the oneshot was very good, but it left me with unanswered questions, that I wanted to get answered. it also left me with the feeling of this should have been a two shot so you got more infomation.

else, it was fantastic

Keep writing, you have a lot of potential!

I like the idea of this story. There are many young adults living in poverty, about the streets, trying to escape a troubled past or an unbearable home life. However, I feel like you could have elaborated a bit more. The pace was quick, almost too brief to actually grasp the characters or their emotions. As an audience, we witness a only a few event -- the church, the morning before, and the short scene involving her father -- and it didn't seem like enough. To make a point, I would have liked to see a bit more history behind the emotional abuse. If this has been happening her entire life, or for quite some time, you'd think that the protagonist would have more to reflect on the matter. I hope that makes sense.

There were also a few questions I had that should probably be mentioned, as I couldn't help but wonder some things about the story -- Did she not have friends? What about other relatives? Why doesn't she try living in a homeless shelter? Why did she decide that prostitution would be her source of funds? And what about child services? And, lastly, has she not realized that McDonald's is actually expensive in comparison to other accessible foods? For example, you can buy an entire loaf of bread for the same price. I'm just saying -- it seemed highly unlikely.