August 3rd, 2010 at 03:34am
This in a way was kind of cute. (: I liked how sweet it was and just how detailed it was. In parts, I felt like the sentences could be ended in some places and continued in others. But that was really the only thing I had a problem with. C:
This peice seemed very realistic. I liked how it started with the negative scene and ended with a sweet one because of the negative beginning. The word choice was nice and the description you put in it, (details again aha.) was fabulous.
Good Job. :)
Good writing.
I liked the fact he asked her if she was alright like seven times. Men don't get that when we are upset and the ask us if we're alright and they persisit, it further pisses us off. It worked for him though.
Loved it.