An Adventure of Possibilities - Comments

Please keep writing
Its so great
I've gotten attached to the little guy<3

ppleaaaseohplease!

I love the title. It's very quirky and go-getting.
It very well pulls you in.

I love the flow of this story.
The plotline in general is fantastic, and very interesting.
I'm very glad that I was able to read this.
Your style of writing is amazing, and I'm in love with your descriptive abilities.

Gahhhh I love love love this. It's just my style. I want more please?

PREDICTION: Sebastien is the boy toy of this story....just putting it out there. Five bucks down on the table right now.

I do agree that you had some grammatical errors, but it's no big deal, just give your story a once over quick before submitting. I should actually learn to do that more often as well. :) I think your writing style is magnificent and I especially like the way you start the story with examples of what the character would do for her mom. It really sets the scene for how much heartbreak it was for her mother to pass on. I feel as if there is too large of an emotion shift in the first chapter, as someone previously mentioned. I feel as if it's not that big of a deal; it still works. The rest of the chapters seem to flow well.

I think you wrote this very well and it was enjoyable to read. I also liked your layout; it's easy on the eyes and still beautiful. :)

Thank you so much. ^____^

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Ahah, Mickey is actually one of my favorites. I couldn't put too much of him in the chapter though. But he'll be met again. ;)

I've only read the first chapter, but I really like the way this is written.
I can tell you've put a lot of thought into each of your characters and their backstories, and that's amazing.
Auden is very relatable, which is rare for me to say because I hate most OFC XD

Anyways, this is a really great story, and I wish you luck with it =)

I love Mickey. XD

WoW that story was really good "subcribre"

From the story comment swap game.
I decided to read Chapter 4. (I haven't read the first 3 chapters so I'm just going on solely that chapter)

Layout: It's very clean. I love the background image and the black text on white is very clear and legible which is always a good thing. I like the image of the record player a lot too.

Summary: Short and vague. It's vague enough to let the reader wonder but offers just enough for us to assume what this will be about.

Story:

"about anything or anyone else. I swear." should be a comma between else and I.

"I could have took random routes" taken would be a better word instead of took

"mud slipping onto" spilling sounds better than slipping here.

""Nineteen." I mumbled" a comma after nineteen, not a period.

"8th road" you wrote eight road for the following two sentences so I think it would make more sense that it should still be written out here.

"Eifel Tower." There are two f's in Eiffel.

"my mom hand't ever" hadn't.

"I stared at them, relizing each one" realizing.

"There was a couple" should be 'were'

"slowing growing just as" should be 'slowly growing'.

"of her and a boy, really." I don't think 'really' belongs there.

"from mind pictures" I have no idea what you meant here. Did you mean 'real pictures'? In the context that makes more sense.

"I mean I thought" there should be a comma between mean and I.

""It's got character." I noted" comma instead of period.

"I mean what's The Revolution?"" a comma after 'mean'.

"the fact the service sucks" should be a 'that' between 'fact' and 'the'.

"I mean I'm sure" comma after 'mean'.

Now, you had quite a few grammatical errors as I noted above and I think if you just gave your work a simple look over before you post you could easily pick those up.

I also think that more description would really help this. You've got a light and easy way of writing and more description would really make this wonderful.

I like the main character's name, Auden is quite interesting. I also like how annoying her friend was. She was like that one friend everyone has that clings a bit too much and loves to talk about nothing at all. XD Very realistic.

Anyways, I think you've got a nice thing going here and with a few adjustments this could be a really great piece.

Thank you both. :) <3

I agree with the person above me, you do have a lovely tone written within in this, and I loved how you wrote your characters.

Well, I just read the first chapter. {I plan on reading more} And I must say, I like how you write. Like the tone and mood of the story. It keeps me wanting more.

'Subscribed.

Thank you so much, both of you. Your comments mean a lot to me! ^____^

Wow this is really great, the desciption and the detail in what Auden is thinking is fantastic. I love the plot, it is devolping well, events are happening at a believeable rate. I am deffintly subscribing to this

I really liked the updates as well.
Can't wait for more. :]

Thank you. : ) <3

I really liked the update. :)

Please.....more? I NEED it.

Story Review Game

Chapter One

I don’t know why, but the title seems weirdly worded to me. It’s probably just me. I has to be just me, but I can’t…say it right. I don’t know how to explain it. Moving on…

Randomly, I like her name…Auden…I’ve never heard that before in real life or in a story. It’s neat. I like it.

It was as if I'd failed to do this. I like this sentence. Short, yet still powerful and emotional.

I knew that there were a million others who would need the help, but it hurt me even though. I had to read through this twice to make it sound right. It’s a bit difficult with the “though” at the end.

Maybe that's why I reacted to encouragement so frantically now? The “now” and “reacted” off-set each other with their tenses, but either one will work, I feel.

It's a good starting. And I noticed you put that you wondered if it was too choppy. I can understand how someone may feel that it is, but when you really think about it, because it's in first person, a little "choppiness" would suit it just fine. Because when you think about it, someone who has just lost the only parent they've ever known isn't exactly going to think in a neat and orderly fashion. The organization of your writing can play a part in characterizaton just as much as the actual words.

Chapter Two

I guess moving forward was however slightly better than driving into a lake. - I don't feel like the italics are really needed here.

I noticed there are some points, usually with dialogue, where you only add one line break rather than the two that all of the other paragraphs have between. It would probably better to keep it all the same.

I had a feeling the whole unnoticeable thing had been kind of a fail. - The word "fail" here doesn't sit right with me for some reason. "Disaster" might be better, unless that comes across too dramatic for you.

The "Thanks Mom" was a cute touch at the end but I don't know if it needed to be on its own. It's nothing major, though.

This seems like a very cute story and I hope you continue with it. I like that it doesn't feel rushed. You could really play this out and make it work, so keep writing. : )

Thanks so much for the comments you guyysss! :) They really make my day!

And, aha, her last words were meant to be somewhat too theatrical, because that's the kind of character she was. :P