Fifth Period Massacre - Comments

I don't want to go to school anymore.....

This is really intense, and really neat. Very well-written, too. :)
Keep up your awesome, super-cool, very creative writing! :)

The bell rang. I stopped breathing. My heartbeat quickened in pace, I knew what was about to happen. My fingers ran over the bulge in my side, which had been concealed all day by my oversized hoodie. My breathing became shallow and rapid; I reached into my hoodie and pulled out what I’d been hiding all day. I would have added another hoodie here somewhere,as it would have more clearly expressed, “jiterness” and sick excitement. You know, I actually thought that there were explosions under his hoodie. And you are not insane, all of my one shots ended badly, with dead people and what not. 'Though yet again I craved some more details, but it's just me.

WOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**favoritesfavoritesfavorites!**
this was awesome :)
though i kinda wished it was longer.
but oh well :)
love how you added the song in it as dialogue!!
Forever XO,
Madi

I loved this!

I liked this. I'm impressed.
I really liked how you jumped right in, but it all made sense still. That's always the best way to start a story.
Anything with the word "massacre" in it has got to be amazing. (:
It was great how you described the gun instead of justing saying "I pulled out the gun." It made the scene a lot stronger.
Now I, being a reader with a short attention span, was grasped throughout the story, although it was short. I liked the build-up to the dialogue she screams at the teachers and students.
Very good work. (: