Everybody's Losing Control - Comments

losing control. (4250)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: Canada

It's been a long time since I've read a Twilight fanfiction, and I don't know that I've ever read a Seth Clearwater story, so that was a fun read. Seth and Mya were a cute couple, I liked how you wrote the relationship between the two of them. I was never a huge fan of Twilight so I don't know a ton about the shapeshifters and imprinting and all that, but from what I remember you wrote Seth's emotions and what he was going through with imprinting on Mya really well and I appreciated that. I also liked how you tied in the vampires with the plot twist of Mya's sister being killed by the Volturi. I feel like it made it more realistic to bring the Cullens into the story because of that tie between them and Mya's family.

The character arcs and growth of the characters, specifically Mya and Seth, was interesting to read. They grew within the relationship, but they also grew individually which I appreciated. It was nice to see that the things that happened to the characters actually changed them and they didn't just stay the same the whole time.

There were two things I wanted to point out, though. The first was when Mya got bit by the vampire and when she found out the Volturi killed her sister, she didn't really seem that affected. I mean, she had a reaction to it, but considering she basically found out some of her best friends are vampires, which killed her sister and almost killed her, I was expecting more out of her than just brushing it off. Even with Seth' shapeshifting, she sorta just brushed it off. Considering all of this stuff was her introduction into the world of vampires and werewolves, I would have thought she would have been more surprised.

The second is that throughout the whole story, I think I would have been able to get more immersed if was more description. You were good at describing the emotions and interactions between the characters, but I felt like the setting for of got left behind. This just might be me, but I find stories way more enjoyable if I can really picture what's going on. I suppose, since this is a fanfic, if I was more familiar with the books/movies it might not have stuck out to me so much, but because I'm not it felt like it was a bit lacking.

Overall though, I enjoyed this story. Good job!

May 24th, 2017 at 06:59am

AllTimeHoe182 (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 26
Location:: Great Britain (UK)

I LOVE this! You hae GOT to write a sequel!

February 5th, 2012 at 02:07pm

celestial_royalty (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: United States

Awww. This is so cute, and a good 30 chapters. These are my favorite parts:

“Hey, calm down,” Mya soothed, kissing his chest, “I don’t mind you being protective. It’s quite cute actually,”

“Cute? I’m trying to be all manly in protecting my woman and you think it’s cute?!” Seth exasperated.

“Yup!” Mya giggled.

“The last one was useless at this kind of stuff,” Alice teased.

“Wasn’t the last one Bella?” Mya asked confused.

“Yup!” Rosalie giggled.

“Not girly and I couldn’t play sport. No win situation,” Bella shrugged.

Alice noticed the sweet embrace and nudged Bella…who nudged Edward. The nudging carried on until all the Cullens and Jacob were looking at them, smiling at how adorable the couple were.

“The Council won’t like them on the reservation,” Collin mused.

“I really don’t give a shit. I think what we’ve got to worry about is more important,” Sam chuckled.

“Hands and feet bound, broken fingers, rape, signs of torture…shit, these leeches are psychotic,” Sam choked, grimacing at the pictures in the article.

“For both their sakes, I hope we get to them first,” Paul groaned.

I have to say that Mya really annoyed me when she was being harassed. Yes, it's not a fun situation but HELLO?! If you EXCEL in track, you should know how to RUN! Have some common sense, eh?! I mean, gosh it's called "FIGHT OR FLIGHT!" When someone attacks you, you don't stand there and beg- WTF!?!?!

I like the way you portrayed Sam, Emmett, Seth and...Bella, especially. You captured the parts that many fail to detail in their stories. I generally hate Bella, but you made her bearable- it's a huge feat.

In chapter 12, you wrote "Kate". I believe you meant "Mya".

March 3rd, 2011 at 07:59am

jordancresentmoon (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: United States

you know how when u finish a book,
u r mad that its over,
yet crying tears of joy for the happily ever after?
Well then u feel my pain.Great job with the story!
=)

February 25th, 2011 at 10:47am