What Comes With Loving Me (Let Me Breathe Again) - Comments

  • SomethingMoreInside

    SomethingMoreInside (100)

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    This is crazy. O.o
    I like how you write. Like, the point of view and stuff.
    It's insane, though. Like . . . Vian is ridiculous and needs to lay off Raven. Raven should change his name and freakin' move. Far. Away from his craziness.
    <3
    July 21st, 2010 at 12:55am
  • solarflarestares

    solarflarestares (100)

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    I agree with... Ava Marie.Cute Good story, but the banners are a bit of a turn-off.
    July 20th, 2010 at 10:37pm
  • alexander bernadotte

    alexander bernadotte (125)

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    I also think the banner is too big. It's a bit distracting to me. But anyways, I like this. I'm normally not a fanfic reader at all, but this was cute :3
    I like the almost diary formatting of it.
    Lovely job! <3
    July 16th, 2010 at 03:33am
  • Mat Devine

    Mat Devine (250)

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    Personally I think the banner is way too big, it takes away the focus on the main story. It's a pretty banner but if it was smaller it would be nicer to read. Why don't you use the banner that's on the bottom at the top instead?
    I like the way you wrote this, it sounds like a diary or just us in their head. It was an interesting read and I liked how it flowed well, kudos to you. :)
    July 15th, 2010 at 09:18pm
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    I agree with the other people about the layout. I'm not a big fan of the huge banner with another banner at the bottom or the font.

    But aside from that, I like your writing style. It's quite unique and interesting. It flows rather well and I liked that. The story started off differently than other stories that I've read, but I'm interested to see how it will turn out.

    Good job (:
    July 15th, 2010 at 08:54pm
  • crutal

    crutal (100)

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    It sounds very poetic, but I agree with Ava Maria, sadly. I don't really get the whole turn-on from emo boys anymore. My b. :\

    But I did love your style and I think it's a very interesting and well-written peice, so I'll subscribe and hope for some more.
    July 15th, 2010 at 08:20pm
  • tiffany danielle

    tiffany danielle (100)

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    I feel guilty for saying it, but the layout kind of turns me off the story for some reason. ):
    And, I don't favor the use of bars instead of quotation marks.

    But! Those two minor things are really all I could find to disapprove of. (:

    Your writing style is interesting. I like how you keep it in detail and everything is phrased so uniquely; it's also kind of easy to catch the flow of. And even though it's seriously not my usual style, I like how you began the story. How he wasn't some happy, in love person. I think it adds depth, kind of, aha.

    I'm curious to see how this turns out. (:
    I think you've done a good job so far.
    July 15th, 2010 at 08:15pm
  • youth and whiskey.

    youth and whiskey. (415)

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    So, kudo's for using Andy Six and Jayy Von Monroe. You're my hero. <3
    Anyway, I can tell this story is going to be very interesting and I can't wait to see where this goes.
    You have a very interesting writing style. <3
    July 15th, 2010 at 08:11pm