Forbidden to Fly - Comments

  • Peices_to_the_puzzle

    Peices_to_the_puzzle (100)

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    Holy! Actually, you have to continue! I sub XD
    November 14th, 2010 at 04:54am
  • toxic lullabies.

    toxic lullabies. (100)

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    I really like this :) Good job!
    August 11th, 2010 at 02:00am
  • Green_Regol

    Green_Regol (150)

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    I liked this. And I'm not just saying that, either. Your sentences didn't sound awkward and I didn't find any spelling/grammar mistakes.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with the way it is. However, because this entire chapter is pretty much the MC reminiscing on the past, I'd turn this into a flashback instead; take us back to where and when it all happened. It'd make everything so much more exciting, and I know you have the talent to do it.

    Anyways, I like; I'd say continue with this.
    July 9th, 2010 at 10:06pm
  • Patty Lovell

    Patty Lovell (100)

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    I love the title, it makes me wonder what the story could possibly be about.

    And also, I love the story. It's actually really different, which is good!
    July 9th, 2010 at 04:02am
  • turducken

    turducken (100)

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    You're got a pretty simple but readable layout, and the title is also pretty intrigiung.

    thus they prey upon the mortals.The mortals live in fear
    In the summary, you forget a period between the The and the period.

    White fluffy clouds floated happily across a sky so blue that made my heart ache.
    that it made.

    Only a year had passed of my captivity, and yet as the days kept going, life kept becoming dull.
    I don't think becoming is the word, mostly because that would mean it kept starting, but you can only start once. So it would be became or was turning.

    I had once been a magnificent Avian of the People of the Air.
    Maybe an Avian who was a part of People of the Air, since you already used of the in the name.

    Beautiful blue wings.
    Lower case since it's a semi-colan not a period.

    Other than that, you've got a good plot starting up here. The story has a lot of promise, and it's quite original too. Try going into more detail of the shame she's obviously baring, maybe her father's name was something important to her?
    Like I said, you're got a great story, you can really turn it into something beautiful. :)
    July 9th, 2010 at 02:37am
  • silk tea.

    silk tea. (400)

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    Dude. Keep it please.
    I really really really enjoyed it.
    Like triple time.
    July 9th, 2010 at 02:29am
  • one man wolf pack

    one man wolf pack (100)

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    This is really creative and original.
    I love that you created your own race of flying people
    I only wish I'd thought of it first ;]
    this is nice.
    Keep this up?
    July 6th, 2010 at 02:27am
  • Acid Milk

    Acid Milk (100)

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    You should definitely keep this up. I really liked it. It's very original. :D
    July 6th, 2010 at 02:22am
  • Kawaii Emotions;

    Kawaii Emotions; (100)

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    I like the fantasty/ mythologoly feel. I thought the descprtions were nice and the plot is very original :)
    July 5th, 2010 at 10:08pm
  • Undefined;;

    Undefined;; (150)

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    This was amazing!! I really liked how descriptive you were. I think I'm going to subscribe!
    July 5th, 2010 at 09:24pm
  • alexander bernadotte

    alexander bernadotte (125)

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    This was so awesome! :] As silly as it sounds, it sort of reminds me of The Blue Bloods series; they're all angels in their former lives...
    Okay, I'm rambling now, sorry xD
    ANYHOO. I liked this like alot: It ripped my feathers from me, leaving the skeleton of my wings. Thus, I fell.
    Lovely job (: I'm subbing.
    July 5th, 2010 at 08:58pm
  • Quirky

    Quirky (120)

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    Oh my god! This is awesome! Such a creative plot, and I love the whole mythology feeling of how his feathers were ripped off and he was left with their skeleton.

    MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!
    July 5th, 2010 at 09:38am