I liked this. And I'm not just saying that, either. Your sentences didn't sound awkward and I didn't find any spelling/grammar mistakes.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the way it is. However, because this entire chapter is pretty much the MC reminiscing on the past, I'd turn this into a flashback instead; take us back to where and when it all happened. It'd make everything so much more exciting, and I know you have the talent to do it.
You're got a pretty simple but readable layout, and the title is also pretty intrigiung.
thus they prey upon the mortals.The mortals live in fear In the summary, you forget a period between the The and the period.
White fluffy clouds floated happily across a sky so blue that made my heart ache. that it made.
Only a year had passed of my captivity, and yet as the days kept going, life kept becoming dull. I don't think becoming is the word, mostly because that would mean it kept starting, but you can only start once. So it would be became or was turning.
I had once been a magnificent Avian of the People of the Air. Maybe an Avian who was a part of People of the Air, since you already used of the in the name.
Beautiful blue wings. Lower case since it's a semi-colan not a period.
Other than that, you've got a good plot starting up here. The story has a lot of promise, and it's quite original too. Try going into more detail of the shame she's obviously baring, maybe her father's name was something important to her? Like I said, you're got a great story, you can really turn it into something beautiful. :)
This is really creative and original. I love that you created your own race of flying people I only wish I'd thought of it first ;] this is nice. Keep this up?
This was so awesome! :] As silly as it sounds, it sort of reminds me of The Blue Bloods series; they're all angels in their former lives... Okay, I'm rambling now, sorry xD ANYHOO. I liked this like alot: It ripped my feathers from me, leaving the skeleton of my wings. Thus, I fell. Lovely job (: I'm subbing.
Oh my god! This is awesome! Such a creative plot, and I love the whole mythology feeling of how his feathers were ripped off and he was left with their skeleton.