Sample Disc - Comments

Well. Well. Welllll. I AM SO HAPPY YOU UPDATED!

13 and 14.

I feel kinda sad right now, because things are not hunky dory anymore with Ry and B :-[[ But at least I know that this is a prequel and I know how it really works out in the end. So yeah.

I really loved the way you did Ryan's thoughts about sleeping with Keltie. Very realistic, very human. And I liked how we could see the internal change he was going through throughout the chapter.

Beautiful.

:-]]

I'll keep this short and sweet:

I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING.

Chapters 11 and 12 knocked my socks off. Gosh.

Beautiful, as always my dear.

Your writing was different this time - more...obscure? I don't know, but it was fantastic. I feel like in this chapter, you got more in touch with the sensory things. Yeah. And it was more poetic.

BLARGH. What I'm trying to say is that it was really, really great, and a little different too. *sigh*

Favorite part: So, we do this for hours. Until our eyelids become heavy, the once light folds of skin now drooping down to encase our soft-tissue orbs in a wrapping of flesh and eyelashes. This is me yawning; this is me sleeping.
It reminded me of Chuck Palahniuk a little. And the description of eyes, how spectacular! I went to this writing conference once, and the guy was telling us how something like a mountain, or a sunset has been described a thousand times before, but what makes a description good is what's different about it. So yeah. I've never heard eyes described that way before - I liked it.

:-]]]

Oh boy.

That was one of those things that you read with a little smile on your face because it's just so beautiful and adorable and perfect.

Really dearest, that was magnificent. You definitely should like this one, as well as everything else that you write :-]]]

And I LOVE that song. Like, looooooooooooooove.

<3

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHmahhhgawsh.

I'm going to quote a We the Kings song now. *ahem.* "You've no clue what you do to meeeeee."

'You' as in this story.

And you.

That was magnificent.

One of the [many] things you are so good at is making it true-to-life.

I've said that before, havent' I?

Yeah. When Ryan called Brendon to tell him he moved in, that was the funniest, most awkward, most adorable conversation ever.

"I hope it sucks."
Hahahahaha.

And the part in the art museum, when B's ringing the bell. <3

Sooooo, thanks again for another GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT chapter!!!

XD

<333

Okay.
The past two chapters.
ILOVETHEM.
And I'd really like to say something really intelligent and stuff, but I think that re-reading my previous comments will cover it all. Y'know, my discussing the fact that YOU'RE A GENIUS.

<33

And at the time, I do not have a book to read, so I've been re-reading this masterpiece of a story :-]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in my living room laughing laughing laughing, and my mom's like, "What? What? What? If you don't tell me, then I'm shutting that computer off."
So, favorite funny part:
I, like you, am human, despite contrary belief. I have a tendency to be a giant dick. And also, to have one.”

I really liked how you did the whole 'them living together thing.'
Cause usually, it's all like, 'oh, we're together allllllllllllll the time now! We're so in love, we don't notice each other's flaws!! Blahblahblah....'
Yeah, so the way you did it is so realistic and so true to life and so believable and I think that you should send me some of your genius. ['Cause I've been unable to write [well] for the longest time, it's incredibly frustrating only coming up with crap.]

So, everything was brilliant, as usual.
*printing this chapter*

MOTHER FUCKER.
I can't top my previous comment, but MY GOSH, that was so powerful.
QUOTING TIME!

“My priorities aren’t the things that aren’t straight.” Baha, leave it to Brendon to mouth off in a tense situation.

I loved this little chunk here:
My dad finally clears his throat, keeping his arms crossed. “Go to your room.”
I nod, because anywhere is better than there. Anywhere is better than watching my mom hold back tears, and my dad pace holes into the floor.
This was such a fucking mistake.
And I wish I could call Ryan.
But of course. I can’t.

You captured his helplessness reeeeaaally well. Ah, goshhhhhhhhhhhh.

SHIT, then that scene at school, THAT WAS SO PERFECT.
On Monday, Ryan is waiting for me by my locker. He looks up quickly as I approach, and walks towards me.
“Fuck, Bren, are you okay?” He asks, pulling me into a hug.
“Yeah.” I mumble into his neck, hugging him back.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Beautiful. And sweet. And I could see that so well.
I LOVE YOU. “So, uh, while I was in solitary confinement this weekend, I was thinking, and, uh, I was just thinking that maybe, I might be in love with you. But only if you think that you maybe love me, too. Because. Y’know. It’d be super embarrassing if you didn’t love me too.”

That final scene, with his parents, ohmygod, I was tearing up.
Then when he gets to Ryan's, that was sooo...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. *whimper*
It takes me ten minutes to get to Ryan’s house from my own, and I’m sure I look like a mess, because my parents just kicked me out, and I’ve been crying, and when Ryan answers the door, he looks completely sick with worry.
“Can I-- can I still stay here?”
Goshgoshgosh. You tied it back to when Ryan asked, and again, I could freakin' see the whole scene in my head.

So far, I've printed out all 4 chapters and I read them while I brush my teeth.
:-]
<3

Beautiful.
And hilarious.

One of the things I think you are excellent is diolague. It comes off as incredibly natural. Like you're sitting with the characters and recording what they say, then just putting it in physica form.
So, yeah, the diolague in this chapter [and every other chapter and everything you write] was flawless.

Also, what you are really good at is gestures. I was thinking about this chapter today, and I think one of my favorite parts is ...running my fingers over his knuckles. 'Cause it's like, that's what people do when they talk - they move and fidget. Again with an obvious simile - it's like you're video taping the characters while they're conversing, and then you write it down, gesture by gesture by gesture.

Ahh, I don't know if I'm making ANY sense whatsoever.

Another part I loved, It’s a text from Ryan, the cheesy mother fucker. It says, “dreamt of you. thought you should know. night.” no capitalization, just awkward romance communicated with technology. Again, super freakin' real.

And then, of course, all of that 'I like cock' stuff was priceless. Gosh, soo funny. Maybe be like, ‘hey, mom, dad, I’ve got this totally glorious, golden god of a boyfriend. And before you freak out, meet him, and you’ll completely understand why I like cock.’ and then, then they’ll probably get it.” HAHAHA.

Oooh, and in the second to last paragraph, I practically died with affection and awe when Brendon took Ryan's hand. “She’s uh,” I lace my fingers with Ryan’s, and he stops his cackling to look at our tangled fingers. *sigh*

Sooooooooooooooo, to conclude this huge comment, you're brilliant.

LOVED IT.
I laughed a lot.
Y'know, I rarely laugh when I read stories. I'm almost sure that you're the only one who gets a laugh out of me.
Yep.

This was adorable. And funny. And really really sweet.

I'm going to go think about Brendon's ass now... *wink*
:-]]

That was spectacular.

I really liked how you stated that it was awkward, and then actually made awkward. Also, your sentence structure made the whole scene so physical [no pun intended] and alive.
OH THE SOCKS, they reminded me of Druscilla, because she often has them fucking with socks on.
I loved, He climbs off of the bed, making a scene out of taking his socks off. He’s such a fucking drama queen. Bahaha, I just pictured a lot of exasperated sighs and over-exagerated movements as he removed his footwear. Fantastic.
This --> It’s the first time we’re fucking, and I’m going to remember Ryan as the guy who wears socks during sex. And this --> “Why? It’s cold.”
That is the lamest excuse for keeping socks on during sex ever. Ever. made me PEEEEE myself. *jolly laughter*

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, to conclude, THIS WAS LOVELY AND IS BEING PRINTED OUT TO GO IN MY NOTEBOOK AS I TYPE.

:-]]]