Live Nude Girls - Comments

This was a really beautiful story, thanks!

Still making my way through your fantastic stories(they're like dark chocolate, better when you savor each piece) This one was amazing! I kind of think of Kaner as sweet kid trying to live up to the image.
P.S. There is no such thing as a one shot that's too long. It just urban myth.

LOVE!! Best one shot EVER!!

That was honestly the best one-shot I have ever read. It answered all my question and left it all on a good note. They were such a cute couple and there was never a dull moment when it come to the two of them.

This is probably the best one-shot I have ever read on here. It was so cute and very well written, I liked it a lot. Keep on writing!

Very interesting story. You managed to make Patrick Kane likable. I did want to scream at the girl to investigate students loans as an alternative to her working for her skeevy boyfriend. Glad she got out of that situation at least.

seriously the best one-shot I have ever read
very original and very well written.
way better than a short story.

This was awesome....as are all of your stories I have read so far! I already know that you didn't win the contest with it, although I don't know why (even though you won the "special" epic one-shot award). To be fair, I haven't read the other entries for this particular contest, but I have to say that I am totally biased towards your writing. :) And I didn't mind one bit that this was such a long one-shot, I thought the whole thing rocked, beginning to end. Someday, when I am finished reading the rest of your stories, I will go back and read the others for this contest, but I have to say, I don't think it will change my mind about you not winning!

holy longest one shot of my entire existence.
with that being said, it was SO GOOD!
i wish i could leave a more epic comment for this epic one shot, but i'm on a serious time-squeeze.
i really like that patrick decided to take the time to be her friend, and not pressure her into a relationship. very, very sweet.
i do have to say, the final headline really tied it together :)
well done, babe! very well written! you should be very proud of yourself!

HAHAH that headline at the end cracked me up so bad, I swear!!!

this one shot is unusual, but perfect in itself. I held my breath from the first to the very last paragraph and it was amazing!

wow that was unbelievable! So good! i actually found it while in my iPod....at church. Haha. I decided not to read it at church though haha. it was sooo good i sat on my couch and just read the whole thing. It was definitley long, but worth it. :)

I liked it alot. and I'm glad you made it longer there was alot to cover.

Oh. My. God! this was freaking amazing. I loved it from start to finish. when you told me who it was about I became super excited for it. if you don't win i will be so shocked. good luck and awesome job :)

i love it. i dont know why you think it is too ong. i liked it- i didnt have to click the dumb next chapter buttoon over and over. very well written!!!

I don't care that it was long. You actually know how to write, so that makes it worth reading.

I would feel sorry for Patrick, but let's be honest here. In real life, he's an idiot. He does stupid things and he's all about sex with random girls. So him finding his dream girl in a strip club? Not THAT unrealistic lol.

Ain’t no way he’s was going to swoop in and carry her out of here for a happily ever after. My guess is that the only happily ever after would come when she got off work after three go-rounds at her place. He’d be happy and then he’d never see her after.- i love this. it's such great writing, and true! He's getting what he wants and who cares about what the girl wants? Stupid boys! But i just loved how you worded it.

HIm getting caught up on a stripper...yeah he would do that. you are what you surround yourself with...what you spend your money on, those things are where your heart lies. Well, guess where his is? Lucky for him he picked a decent chick, but then again, she was what he needed. She pulled him in with her naked act, and gave him the 'disappointment' he needed to clean his act up.

Feel sorry for her though...she whores herself out for a buck. She doesnt' have that much self worth, her boyfriend doesnt even have it for her. he looks at her and sees orgasms and dollar signs. things don't go his way, he beats her. The friendship between the two opened the door for them to fall in love with each other. she loved him and that's why she went to him at 3 am. he loved her and thats why he took care of her...made love to her.

i loved the difference between the stripping and the sex. the stripping is supposed to be graphic and everyone knows what to envision when you talk about girl taking off her clothes. but instead of over doing it with tongues in places and penis's going into overdrive, their sex was one of the cases where less was more--because it wasn't just about sex to him for once. when you love someone it tends to be more private and more special, and you wrote it that way.

i can see her running away. doesn't think she's good enough. makes sense...really. (despite the fact that he's a dick) and he's devastated. but he doesn't give up. people tend to give up too easily nowadays. i love the private lap dance thing. it was sweet and nasty and perfect.

Having someone to come home to after road trips, her cheek pressed to my chest as we'd fall asleep each night.--mmmm. nice :)

the ending was perfect. wrapped up in a little bow :) i loved how it all came full circle. it was so well written Phoebe. I could go on and on, but i think you pretty much get the point. i feel like i may be spoiling you by stroking your ego a little too much haha

OH, and if you don't win i will boycott writing. Okay, maybe not, but i will be shocked. Regardless, you're a winner (THE winner lol) in my book (and probably the contest's book too)

love you!

Where do I start? I'm not entirely sure what to lead off this review with and I certainly won't be able to write a comment that totally does it justice, but I'll give it my best shot.....

Kaner is in serious need of an image consultant in real life. I was willing to give him a second chance after that whole cabbie incident 'cause everyone deserves a second chance, but that kid just finds new and deplorable ways to embarrass himself, his team and his family. The latest was that whole Playboy Bunny incident during the awards show. Poor Patrick Sharp. He was so humiliated and looked like he wanted to desperately escape and strangle Kaner with his bare hands. Something tells me real life Kaner loves the ditzy type.

Adam is a massively bad influence. Everyone else is trying to keep Kaner on the straight and narrow yet there's Burs, dragging the kid to a strip club. I can't say I'm surprised that Adam is a regular there and that strippers probably make up three quarters of his little black book. I thought the limo joke was hilarious. I can never get enough of them and I love to mention it in my own stuff as often as possible. That's just something you can't recover from quickly and something that Kaner deserves to be ripped a new butthole time and time again over. So when Adam came out with that joke, I couldn't help but giggle.

I love how Luscious Lana sort of just captivates him right away. And that he's not just looking at her like a sex object but he's having all these deep and profound thoughts about how he feels possessive of her and wants to protect her and just wants to go all 'knight in shining armour' for the girl. I like seeing that side of Kaner, especially when you're always wondering if he actually has a serious side to him. I like that she has such a huge affect on him; she makes him feel vulnerable and strips away all that cocky, obnoxious BS and makes him feel all anxious and nervous. Makes him seem human. Something else that I'm not sure he is half the time. You have this uncanny ability of making me like players that I can't stand in real life. I like how make them multi-dimensional and likable despite all their little flaws and imperfections. Everyone else makes them so perfect and mushy and it's too much to bear half the time.

Love the name Lainey. Adore it. I was so excited when you used it!!

I like how he's feeling all these intense, powerful feelings for her yet he's relegated for the time being to a friend roll. And I really enjoyed the little shout out to the Olympics with the jersey and the mouth guard. Very nice touch. And then the drama with the boyfriend having a freak out and beating the crap out of her and then her running to Patty. See, he is capable of being a human with a heart and he is someone's knight in shining armour. Hopefully one day in real life, he'll realize what he's really capable of instead of coming across as a first class dick all the time.

The smut was written exceptionally well. For a moment I was worried that she'd used him just for that (you always think the worst of anyone in that line of work, esp when she's probably in the five percent that are actually decent, hard working girls) and I was just about ready to send out hitman to 'take care of her'. I'm really glad that they ended up together in the end and that she got out of the business and decided to concentrate on more respectable things. And the part about 'I expect you to support me when I retire' made me giggle like mad. I could definitely see him saying something like that.

I thought that the way you ended it with the headline was perfect and I really like the inclusion of the song lyrics. I thought that was a great touch!!!

This was an awesome one shot!!!!!! You def deserve to win!

Yet here I was with Adam, outside of a strip joint advertising Live Nude Girls
hahahahhaha i think it's hilarious that patrick kane has to go to a club instead of just getting some ass himself

Another Limo joke, that’s original.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. are them and the cabbie jokes getting old kaner?? :D

Without even meeting her I wanted to jump on the stage and cover her with my jacket. I'd never spoken a word to her, but I felt possessive and jealous.
whoaaa.. look at kaner getting crabby :p

another year that hopefully will have me looking less like a kid and more like a man so the incessant teasing would stop.
hahahahah ohh kaner.. come on.. we all love your boyish looks :p and those old boys are just jealous ;)

and for the first time in my life I was speechless
wow.. kaner.. not able to talk.. i think I'm speechless... hhahahha!

side note: I love that this girl is making kaner vulnerable. I mean it makes sense for a guy like him to fall in love or find a girl he is compatible with he would need to drop the cocky, hockey player act, and just be himself you know?? like the act is good for the one night stands but for someone to spend the rest of his life with, he needs someone who makes him feel like the teenager, nervous, and confused

“Ohhh, a guy. Men screw up everything.” Fuck! A guy! I’d been holding out hope that she didn’t have someone significant in her life.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I would love to be in his brain for just one day :D

She deserved way better than that, better than me, but she deserved better than this fuck head Nick too.
sighh.. only you could make me want patrick to be with a stripper... but i totally get it.. patrick can be a dick at times and she shouldn't have to risk everything she knows to be with him when its a high possibility he could turn into something we all hate.. sigh.. this suuuucks. make it happy before the end! BTW, hate nick. ICK!

And I did. Lainey and I became great friends, but I fell in love with her all the same.
oh patty cake is learning that you can't help who you fall in love with <3

I guess it was a win win. I got sex, the girls got to say they slept with an NHL player, and my teammates continued to think of me as the guy who bopped everything with a wiggle.
that makes me sad... it shouldn't be like that... :(

I leaned back in and she reached up and grabbed my face softly putting her lips on mine. "I'll miss you Patrick. Bring back the gold" she whispered as she pulled away.
YES!!!!!!!!! <3

Lainey pranced on stage wearing a white hockey helmet and a blue USA jersey. I let out a loud laugh when I noticed the white mouth guard she held in her teeth, mimicking me.
that is so cute.. like in a weird way you know?? :D

She cut me off. "Patrick. I'm not going to make it tonight." Her voice sounded shaky almost panicked.
oh shit.. this is where it gets bad.... :/

I did that for myself already. You can’t break what’s already been broken. I want you Lainey.
oh patrick <3 perfect.. absolutely perfect thing to say! i loveeee it. what reputation.. it's already been smashed enough :p

And when I promised her breakfast sex every single morning we were together if she moved in with me, she gave in.
I'd move in with him too... daaaamn :D

"I'm going to marry you someday Lainey, and when I'm too old to play hockey, I'm expecting you to support me."
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! SOOOO FUNNY! :D :D :D

Two years later at about the same time Lainey was applying to grad schools, I popped the question.
YESSSS :D

CHICAGO TRIBUNE: Match Made In Heaven.
Patrick Kane, attacker of cab drivers, participant in naughty limo activity, finally ties the knot to pole dancing stripper.
pshhh as if they care what you say :p

Love comes in the most interesting forms :D
I LOOOOOOOOVEDDDD every minute of this HUGE oneshot
I am SO glad you made it so long because I seriously didn't want it to end
I love these two! it's like.. perfect if you think about it :D
patty kane and a stripper :D bahahahahaha
anyways, this was sweet and sexy and amazing..
I'm not going to lie.. reading this has made me actually want to start writing again..
maybe I should start on my contest entry :p
I'm terrible..
but seriously I loved this.. A LOT :D

AMAZING one-shot!
I seriously, truly enjoyed reading this, Ive read some pretty long one shots- I think one was longer than yours but I dont remember what it was called or who it was by, haha.
Any way, this story was awesome, sex was great, his emotions and actions were great, haha I also really liked his best friend who was a pain in the ass, but was happy for him getting the girl in the end. =D
But I think my favorite part of the whooooole one-shot was the paragraph at the very end when he tells her that hes paid her tuition and tells her that hes expecting her to take care of him when hes too old to play hockey. Priceless.
Thanks so much for writing it!!
<3:D

Hands down one of the best (and longest) one shots I have read.
The characterization was great and I hope you win this contest!

Absolutely awesome! I think you rock at one-shots! I think you should keep writing them. Here's hoping you win!!