Layout I don’t like the way this is formatted. The color scheme is nice, but the picture running down the side is kind of…meh. I would’ve put it in the story area as a sort of banner. It looks better that way, in my opinion.
Story
I only do this for contest judging, where I run through any grammatical errors I find and then move on to the actual plotline.
In this first sentence, I think there should be an or before train.
had taken a four hour train four-hour
three hours and fifty eight minutes fifty-eight
prostitutes and business men weren’t businessmen is one word.
people were re-moulded, I don’t know where you’re located globally, but I know in England they put like ‘u’s in everything American’s don’t. But I’m just correcting this one because I don’t feel like it’s right, but I could be wrong. Molded.
He labelled everyone in the carriage labeled.
silly judgements judgments
Okay, now on to the actual story.
I love the name Quentin, it makes me think of Quentin Tarantino. He’s like my favorite person ever.
The story itself was very well told, it had a kind of lesson at the end which I really enjoyed. The descriptions of the people he sees and the areas around him was very well done. It had the perfect balance of description and action, the emotion was very well done as well. Great job.
Layout
I don’t like the way this is formatted. The color scheme is nice, but the picture running down the side is kind of…meh. I would’ve put it in the story area as a sort of banner. It looks better that way, in my opinion.
Story
I only do this for contest judging, where I run through any grammatical errors I find and then move on to the actual plotline.
In this first sentence, I think there should be an or before train.
had taken a four hour train four-hour
three hours and fifty eight minutes fifty-eight
prostitutes and business men weren’t businessmen is one word.
people were re-moulded, I don’t know where you’re located globally, but I know in England they put like ‘u’s in everything American’s don’t. But I’m just correcting this one because I don’t feel like it’s right, but I could be wrong. Molded.
He labelled everyone in the carriage labeled.
silly judgements judgments
Okay, now on to the actual story.
I love the name Quentin, it makes me think of Quentin Tarantino. He’s like my favorite person ever.
The story itself was very well told, it had a kind of lesson at the end which I really enjoyed. The descriptions of the people he sees and the areas around him was very well done. It had the perfect balance of description and action, the emotion was very well done as well. Great job.