Inhaling Eradicants - Comments

This story was very good. You gave very good details as you wrote it. I liked how you showed the relationships easily between the characters, and made it interesting as to why Clyde acted the way she did towards Oliver.

A good story, very intruiging, long but you made it worthwhile.
My favourite line was you sneaky ass ninja.
And I liked the beginning of the story showing a brief description of her dream before she got woken up Trey.
Overall I liked it, good layout (Oli Skyles, oh yes), readable font and good grammar and paragraphing.

It's interesting, I'll give you that. But sometimes it felt a bit amateur and when you used complicated words they weren't used in a way that made the sentences flow too well. The sentences were choppy, and at some points it was like he did this, he did that, she did this, she did that over and over again. I also was not a fan of the repeating picture in the layout, it was very distracting and often took my attention off of the story. Some punctuation was missing and some dialouge sounded forced but other then that it was a good read.

Story Review Game

Title - I really like the title. It catches the attention of the reader right away. I like short titles, and the ambiguity of it really works.

Layout - I have to say, I'm not a big fan of the right aligned layout. On some computers, it can really make the story hard to read. However, the colors are great, and I like the light text on the gray background. The picture is a little big, but that's just personal opinion. But the colors in it are so pretty and the effect is really nice; goes along with the whole feel of the story.

Summary - I really like the summary. The dictionary thing is something I've never used, and I really haven't seen it done a lot, but I like it. It gives it this nice feel. I like the introduction you've given us. It's short and sweet. Gets the job done. I've never read a story involving Marijuana use, so I'm definitely really interested now.

Chapter 1- Normally I'm not a big fan of "waking up" introductions, but this one really works. It's not a description of her morning or what she wore or ate or put on her feet. I like it.

“Really Trey, really?” she questioned sarcastically, multiple plans of executing her friend secretly plotting in her mind.

I think it should be "Really, Trey? Really?" right there, but other than that, I really like this sentence. In the last part, the wording is a little choppy, though. Maybe "secretly plotting the different ways she could execute her friend." I like that she lives with a boy though. A boy who's not her boyfriend or husband. That's really different. :D

She curled tighter, the sound of her whiny voice muffled from the blanket. “No! Go away and leave me be!”
I like this a lot, but her dialogue sounds just a little forced. From what I've gleaned so far, she's probably in her early twenties or late teens, and not a lot of people that age would say "leave me be". Maybe "leave me alone"? But I like the relationship that you've established so far with them. They really have a sweet kind of brother-sister thing going on, with him pestering her.

Oh, I think it's really cool that her name is Clyde. That's generally a boys name, but it works for her, for some reason. I like that you didn't give her a "boys name" just to be all rebellious (and if you did, I couldn't tell XD). Sometimes it can just seem silly, but this doesn't at all.

“You sure you don’t want any of this og kush? It’ll help with the hangover,” Trey stated, holding the blunt out to her.
The only thing that I could say here is that maybe not a lot of your readers would know what "og kush" is. (I had to google it. XD) Maybe offer an explanation of what it is in the dialogue or use a different term? But, I have to say, after finding out what it is, it makes you wonder how they afford it or if they're important. I like the detail of the name.

She breathed the THC into her lungs and let her mouth slack, the smoke pouring out like a waterfall.
Your descriptions are really, really nice, don't get me wrong, but for the type of story you seem to be setting up, some of your descriptions are a little.. unnecessarily poetic, if you get what I mean. The THC part is a little confusing. For someone who's not familiar with drug slang (me! XD) it's a little confusing at times. Maybe just replace THC with smoke?

Oliver laughed, “Of course I am! I ain’t no chump.”
I love this. I really really do. :D :D :D
I am a SUCKER for the use of "ain't" in dialogue. Just had to say that. XD

The rest of the chapter flows really, really well. I like the use of the flashbacks, you really incorporated them nicely. The dialogue is realistic, and I LOVE the use of the word "chump". It's really nice and gives us a nice picture of their relationships.
I really don't have anything negative to say. I will say though, with the blackout, it could be easy to fall into a couple of cliches, but reading the rest of it, I'm COMPLETELY confident that you'll pull it off without a hitch.

Good job!

Oh! And I just got how the title kind of ties in with the marijuana use. XD See, told you I'm drug illiterate. XD

WOW. That was, incredible. So detailed, and I can tell you put A LOT of effort into that. It was very well written, too. Thanks for the entry! Awesome job.