Early Mourning - Comments

I haven’t
^^ hadn't

she lied
^^ lay

trying to get
^^ give might be a better word.

out of out bedroom
^^ out of the?

She’s always
^^ She would always

I like 'Early Mourning' by Alesana, it's their only song I like. :] I went and read the lyrics though, because I haven't really listened to it in a while and I think you used the concept of the song beautifully. It wasn't some hard out song-fiction, but it alluded to it quite well. :]

I especially like how the stars were the turning point in the story - it gives off a whole lot of meanings, and leaves the reader to interpret things as they wish - even if on the base level the stars were her favourite things to look at.

I also like how forgetting the sound of her voice was something that caught him totally off guard and left him feeling like that was some ultimate betrayal. It just alludes to the broken heart and how forgetting is betraying.

It was a really good write. :]

It was beautifully written. And, the picture is lovely, but the writing really got me. It's like you can feel what he's going through and at the same time you can't. You wrote it wonderfully. And, I'm glad I read it. I also started crying. :)

Wow, you really nailed it dude, like honestly really nailed it. You wrote so beautifully and I wont lie at three a.m I read this and at 3:15 am I was crying because it was so amazing. I definitely love how you stuck to the song and like some people have problems doing that but honestly like if you had not even said what the song was in the summary I would have still known what it was when I read it. Also I really love that picture its super pretty. :)