Forbidden Meetings: A Vampire/Witch Story - Comments

Sureee :D

right now i'm on some sort of witch story kick so this story is good
*subscribes*
more???

I'll try to be more discriptive, its one of my weaknesses, but i'll try :)

This is pretty decent. Although I'd like more description from you. Feelings and whatnot. Watch your capitalization of i's. I'll suscribe. =]

Princess_Aurora: Thank you, i'll be sure to fix them.

myfightforfreedom: Don't worry, more will be coming soon, if this story doesn't get suspended. It's already been reported.

Please more?

In just the first chapter alone you keep switching from past and present tense. 'I was this' and 'I am this', 'Jacob was this' then 'and he is this'.

You have to remember saying 'is' and 'are', are present tense; that means it's happening right now. As we speak.

'Was' and 'were' are past tense; that means it's already happened and we're being told about it.

Those are the only glaring grammar mistakes; other than that...slow down, ducky! Woo! :) First we're hearing about her in lessons, then we hear about her with Jacob. With more description; maybe of body language for example; that alone can take up a lot more room than it has. Because the chapter ends on a bipolar vampire who can't make up his mind whether he cares or not.

She also seems to not have her priorities in check, and this is only a good thing if it's something you'll constantly have planned as part of her character.

Just a heads up.

If I could rate this story, I'd go for, 5/5 but 5/10

Thanks sooo much, i'll fix it right away

Please ignore my obvious BBcode fails XD

Hi! I decide to read your story Miyuki-chan! ^^
First off, this is a good story! There's a vampire fever goig on but the witches is a nice touch! There's no layout, so I suggest you use one. Even if it's a premade layout!
Hmm just watch your capitalization on the I's. You have a few spelling errors (ex: He froze, butshrugged it off real quick... Where the path split, I towardsthe city.") but nothing too major. Remember, there's a spell check at the top left corner. ^^ Keep up the good writing! Suscribing =]