Angel - Comments

"You've Already Written It!" Prewrite Contest:

Layout: The layout was simple and represented the story. You could've made the story area thinner though, to match the length of the picture.

Content: The story was pretty good. I liked the reason for Angel not going in the water; it was realistic and a real reason. I also liked how the first chapter led up to the second. When Adam helped Angel into the water I was expecting something more hesitant, or fearful; instead, when she opened her eyes she fell in love with the water and jumped around like she did it everyday. That was unrealistic to me; someone who is afraid of water for however many years wouldn't willingly run around and have fun the moment they touch it again.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: There were a couple mistakes, like missed words, but none to take away from the story.

Overall: Very cute and self-empowering, I liked it =)

That was amazing.
I loved the last sentence, it was really cute (:

Layout: I didn't like the green border, and the story area was far too big for the image.

Image Use: Your image use was perfect, you did a great job representing it.

Grammar/Spelling: I didn't see any mistakes.

Story: The story was alright. The first part seemed a bit unrealistic. I think that she would have been far more hysterically if she had her dead brother in her arms, and he'd have to be in the water a bit longer for cpr not to bring him back. I think the father should've been presented faster also, because he's the father and its his son. I didn't see any grief on his part. I think you should have brought Adam into it a bit more in the beginning and built their friendship up a bit more. The second part was alright. It was better than the first part, but I didn't feel emotionally there. It seemed almost fake to me. I wish there'd been more emotion to her finally getting past her fear.

Thank you for joining, results will be out soon.
-A

Sooo good!
The ending was very cute!!

you need to write more short stories like these.
good thing you became a contest junkie! :D

this was really good kara. (: