Turning Point - Comments

  • Sherlock_Holmes

    Sherlock_Holmes (100)

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    Wow, this was awesome! I rarely read a chaptered story in one sitting, but this one had me intrigued. And I normally don't like werewolf stories mostly because they're rip-offs of Twilight. I liked how you made this different than the other werewolf stories.

    I like both the character's, and you did a good job of portraying them. I was kinda sad that it had such an abrupt end though, I was kind of hoping for a happy ending or something. Either way, this was really well-written! Good job! =)
    October 17th, 2012 at 12:02am
  • Loudness War

    Loudness War (100)

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    This was really interesting and it really made me want to keep reading to find out what was wrong with Patrick. Good job!
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:53am
  • EffervescentReverie

    EffervescentReverie (100)

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    Interesting first chapter; you do a good job of proving how irritating Patrick is to the staff, during the course of reading he even started to irritate me. That's when you know you've done something right; when your readers start feeling things towards your characters.

    You also do a good job of keeping the mystery when it comes to this story, the first chapter is definitely a good way to get your readers hooked and flipping to your next chapter. So good job there.

    All in all I really didn't see anything that needs correcting. There weren't any grammar or spelling mistakes I caught, no absentee words, nothing. So, I shall now bid you adieu. Good luck with your story!
    August 14th, 2012 at 07:24am
  • we are criticized.

    we are criticized. (100)

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    This is fantastic!! Really, so well done. I'm actually incredibly impressed. You managed to capture my attention, make me giggle, pique my curiosity and make me sad in such a unique short story. Very well done!

    I see no mistakes, honestly, your grammar is well, your form is great. Super well written.

    Good job! Well done!
    June 10th, 2012 at 08:27am
  • notweirdbutunique

    notweirdbutunique (750)

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    This... This is just brilliant. It's well-written, so I enjoyed reading it.

    I thought Patrick was one of those deranged patients. But after reading more of chapter one, I guessed that he was not entirely human. And my guess was right.

    I really love the ending (I'm a sucker for tragic, sad endings). I would have known that Patrick won't be able to make it, but Gabriella as well?

    Sad

    Overall, I loved it.
    June 6th, 2012 at 06:26pm
  • Dasha.

    Dasha. (150)

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    This was interesting. It took me sometime cause I had to re-read the first chapter. After reading the first chapter you got me interested at what is exactly wrong with him. You gave enough detail to let us know what was happening but kept a lot so that the reader will continue reading. Good Job.
    December 21st, 2010 at 06:24am
  • richard roman.

    richard roman. (205)

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    This was beautiful and you did a good job with writing it and capturing emotions. It's also quite unique, I've never read or even attempted to read a story like it before. Good job, really. It's wonderful.
    December 20th, 2010 at 06:45am
  • elsa of northuldra

    elsa of northuldra (550)

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    This was very well written and very original. I love how you incorporated the song into the story. I loved Gabriella's character and Patrick seemed like he would be a pretty cool dude if he wasn't locked up. I honestly thought that Gabriella was gonna break him out and they were gonna live happily ever after and was like "AW MAN!" at the end but I love how you ended it differently than other people would.
    Great story.
    :]
    August 5th, 2010 at 09:48pm
  • Stripes93

    Stripes93 (100)

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    The first thing I said and keep saying is wow. That was a really good story. I haven't read anything like that before I wanted to keep reading and wish it didn't end so abruptly. It was the type of story that made you want to keep reading even though you know it's over. Loved it.
    August 5th, 2010 at 02:38am