Stitched - Comments

You did a fantastic job immediately establishing Jessica's character. Like MotleyXCrue above me said, she just radiates perfectionism and a bit of an ego. I especially liked her comment about how she thought she could get a lift by flashing the driver - it shows that she's used to getting her way, one way or another. And as for the ending, definitely a cliffhanger. I liked Chris's little "Aw, Jessica, you broke my windshield," like it's such a simple situation and all he's worried about is his van. It's creepy, in a way. And it's a great suspense builder too.

When that child falls and scraps their knee, there will always be that scar. Like this in our lives, just a scrape.
GREAT synonym here. It really gives the reader a piece of Chris's mind: "Oh, this is no big deal. When she wakes up she'll forgive me and we'll just laugh about all of this later."

And the ending was great! You could really get a feel for Chris's slow deterioration on the inside, and how messed up his obsession or infatuation with Jessica really made him.

This was really well done! Definitely creepy and suspenseful :) I liked this a lot!

Whoa. That's all I can say. It's not my kind of story, but I really liked this! I loved the first two paragraphs and Jessica. Those paragraphs set her character up perfectly and showed what kind of person she was immediately. The best is when she talks about how "perfect" she is. I am a shameless theatre geek and I know people (myself included), who are just in love with their voices and, well, themselves. So I identified with her plight and overall demeanor.

And Chris' development took longer, like into the second chapter. But that's what gave the story more mystery and creepiness. The second chapter made me feel uneasy, and I assume that was your goal. You achieved it! Woo! =P The stitching scene was very well written. You combined his thoughts and actions smoothly and it wasn't choppy at all.

The layout was nice and not too distracting. The banner was... incredibly relevant. And it was well made, which is a plus! <3

I’m really intruged by the story so fare and he is what I have notice

There is someone wrong with him now. I am assuming you meant Something, if not then maybe a re-write of that should be in order cause some one doesn’t make sense and throws the reader off a little with the pacing of the story

over and places him hand on my leg Again I am assuming you meant to put his instead of him, if not I really don’t understand what the line could mean

I think I want more much more this is not only a great story but its truly creepy just as you said it would be and I freaking loved it. I enjoy how you started off with her being to in love with herself to really notice anything that was going on.

I love how she even says she’d show her breast if it would get her a ride that leaves me thinking she’d do anything to get what she wanted and that she really believes she is perfect when in reality she isn’t perfect at all her just thinking she is was her biggest flaw.

I have to say I enjoyed the madness that you could tell was going through Chris the minute she is in the truck with him, hell she should have noticed right away something was wrong… And I kind of think she was stupid for not seeing the signs sooner?

I don't mind the layout, it isn't hard to read and I really like the banner. (:

I do not like the main character at the moment, but I'm sure that's how you want it. Aha, she's just really shallow and annoying. xD You did a really good job at introducing us, as fun ghoul, said, and I can't wait to see how she matures later on in the story.

Chris is obviously a real psycho, but again, as fun ghoul stated, I do not feel bad for Jessica. Aha, she's too annoying. xD I think the creepiest part in the story for me was when he was humming the song, I don't know why but that was always just really creepy to me. When the bad guy's or whatever start like, humming or singing children songs or generally happy songs. Ugh.

You have a couple of grammar mistakes and a few other things that make your writing a bit odd to read but it isn't that bad and it was still very enjoyable to read.

Great job! <333 (:

The banner was absolutely terrifying, in a great way! I was pleasantly creeped out by it. :D I actually didn't mind the layout, it reminds me quite a bit of the ones I used to make. :)

That first paragraph was a great way to introduce us to your main character. I thought that you did a great job showing how shallow she was, especially that line I like parties. It was so simple but it definitely got across what kind of person she was. By the second paragraph, I wanted to punch her in the face.

I hummed the tune to my depute... I'm not sure what depute was meant to mean. Debut? I'm not sure.

he slams his foot on the break... Brake. (:

This was really, quite creepy, especially Chris' gradual transformation into a complete creepster. I think you did a great job at creating the suspense as well. I must admit, however, that I didn't feel sorry for Jessica in any way, shape or form. I'm not sure if that was what you were going for but I felt like she deserved what she was about to get. Nonetheless, I think this story is off to a great start and that you should continue it. (:

Yep, you gotta continue this.
I'm subscribing. That Chris character is a real creepy guy.
But I wanna see how this turns out. Completely into it :D
Especially if this is going to be in the bad guys point of view.
I'm excited for it! I can't wait for the next chapter :)

Ugh, the banner creeps me out. Images like that always bother me, though.
This was a great story, however. Your writing is interesting and very intense. I liked it!

Agreed with paper unicorn as well. Layout, no like.
But! This was intense. I liked it actually.
Even though it kinda creeped me out.

Okay, I'm going to have to agree about the layout, and the repeating of the background picture is quite distracting as well. Took me a little while to stop shifting my eyes back and forth from the story to the picture.
But,other then that.
This was a great story. You should update this pretty soon.. Your going down an interesting track.

I agree with paper unicorn. about the layout. Also, when someone new started talking, there should be a new paragraph. It just makes it easier to read :D
I really like this. I can't wait to see where it goes. I'm subbing <3

So - I like the title. It's pretty cool. Simple.

The layout, however, I don't like. I don't know why, but I can only stand a story layout when the story area is either in the middle of the page, or to the left.

In the summary, I noticed at the end of sentences you used commas, instead of periods. That confused me.

It was a chiller. I love stories like this. Dark and scary, really.

Your writing has indeed gotten better. :D Still a few grammar errors, but very few and far between. :]