Death. - Comments

Wow.
The writing is a bit too.. simple.
But the end really hit me like a brick.
There were a few comma splices;
I think if you keep writing and keep working at it, you have a ton of potential.

Killing his own son is fuuucked up man D:

Anyways.
It was a little sad, but good. <3
It flowed pretty well, a little rushed though.
Good job. :3

Inadvertently causing the death of your child would be one of the hardest things to overcome.
Especially since the parent is supposed to ensure the health of their kid.
I guess some just don't get over it.
Nice job capturing that emotion, really.

This was great. I think you should have made it a chaptered story. Like him trying to get over it? I dont really know that could have got cliche. I'm not a big a7x fanfic reader but this was great =) Lots of feeling and the end made me sad.
Good job!

"My name... is Brian Haner." I said very nervously. "And I'm here because I'm an asshole, a complete idiot. I don't deserve to be alive. What happened will never change, and it all happened because of me." I was trying very hard not to lose control, but holding it in was only making this harder.

Sorry, that made me laugh. XD

I loved this, though. Great story, dude. <3

Omg you made me cry! Just imbibing Syn killing himself kicked me right in the heart like if he really did.

You did a great flipping job. Damn man. Couldn't you had made Jimmy or his son's ghost appear and tell him no. It was so quick.

Dude I'm so going to kick your patootie for making me cry.

Great job Hun.

Good entry. Only suggestion is more detail. It seemed rushed. You've received 88 points for your entry. Congrats!

Oh my god...this made me sad, seeing how I'm slightly obsessed with Haner and his charm. I was not expecting him to kill himself at the end, and it was kind of tragic how his spirit was watching over his own body. I almost cried when it was spoken about why he killed himself. That was terribly sad, but a fantastic read. :)

It still being in first person after he died, was, rather strange.
But it was good. I love how eveything flowed.
And man, he killed his own son.

That's fucked. .>.<

Great job and good luck in the challenge. ^.^

This was pretty different. I liked the way that you don't find out what happened until the end. I spooted a few simple mistakes:

first inroducing ourselves, of course. - You forgot the "t" in "introducing".

How could you honestly be happy when you're with a bunch of people who are going through a hard time. - should be a question mark instead of a period.

Apart from that, it was sound. =] The only other strange thing was the first-person narrative after he was dead. It was kind of strange.

However, it was very tragic and different, and I enjoyed it =] Well done.

that is deep. better than mine. i cant get the links to work....