Identical to the Eye - Comments

Title

Your title leaves me a little curious about the story, and makes me wonder what it’s going to be about. It’s a unique title that instantly grabs my attention, and I like that.

Summary
I love the quote you used, and the idea of using it with color gradient is genius, as well. Just the same as the title, it leaves me curious and eager to start reading. My one constructive criticism about the summary is that I would have chosen a different scheme of colors for the color gradient; I don’t much care for the color combination of purples and browns. That, however, is most likely more a personal thing, and it may only detract from the story for myself, so don’t feel inclined to change it just because of that. ^_^

Layout
The layout is quite visually appealing, and the image you chose for the banner is pretty, as well. It pulls me in to the story, as strange as that might sound. I like how you went with a brown paisley-like background that’s not distracting, yet not boring to the eye. Also, something I just noticed that you did was that you put a word count in the chapter summary, which is something I don’t see done a lot and applaud you for.

Chapter Two of Identical To The Eye
I’ll separate this into three sections: grammar, characters, and plot to make it easier to give a well-rounded review. ^_^

Grammar
“will you get over here and help me move your stuff.”
‘Will’ should be capitalized even though it’s continuing the sentence since it’s in a new set of parentheses. Also, the period at the end should be a question mark, since she’s asking Lucy a question.

feeling the need to ask like he used to do when they were little.
This sentence shows sweetness and concern in the father, though it is phrased a bit awkwardly, and I had to read over it a few times to understand what you were trying to say.

Characters
It wasn’t like Claire had been severely depressed or anything, but she was more alive than she’d ever been.
I love that line. It shows a lot of depth into Claire’s character to me. And also, it seems that I’ve finally found one of those rare species of stories that doesn’t center around scene girls who are all depressed and angry with everyone. This line shows a lot of realism, and I can now relate myself to Claire’s character.

Neither of the twins wanted their father to be disappointed with them.
This too shows depth in both Claire and Lucy. It makes them people rather than just characters on a piece of paper—or rather, a computer screen, as the case may be. I’m glad to finally see some realism in characters.

She didn’t allow herself time to contemplate what they were doing behind their father’s back, in fear of changing her mind.
This sentence shows that Claire has a conscience, and makes me wonder what it is that she and Lucy are doing that’s making her feel so guilty, and why it may disappoint their father.

Plot

I really like the plot so far. I didn’t have time to read the first chapter before diving into the second chapter to do this review, but I’m going to bookmark this story and may possibly subscribe because I’m interested already. I can’t say that I’ve read a plot similar to this on Mibba; granted, it’s the type of story I wouldn’t go looking for normally. I’m happy I decided to review this, however.

As A Whole

Overall, this story was great to read, and rather pleasurable to review. I really enjoyed the depth of character in Lucy and Claire, and while I have a slight idea as to what it is that Claire is flying off to do, I want to know more…The more I think about it, I think I’m going to subscribe. Other than those two slight grammatical errors, I saw none. You have a really good vocabulary, as well, and are excellent at phrasing and describing things.
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I already commented this but don't remember reading it...
Well, I agree with my other comment anyway. xD
and the layout is FAB! I love it. :D
Anyway this story is really lovely and original.
Can't wait for more. :D

I like how you used just the right amount of dailogue and description in this chapter (two).
It was written wonderfully.
I really liked it.

Title
You have an amazing title. It catches the eye, doesn't give away the story line, yet it gives you an idea of what's it about.

Layout
I really like your layout. It really looks like it took you time to make, but it still manages to look simplistic and easy to the eye of the reader.

Summary
I really like the quote that you used. At first, it didn't make much sense, because you didn't give away much of the plot in your own words. If this was another story, I wouldn't like it, but after reading yours, this quote explains perfectly enough everything that's going on. You just need to read into the story and realize how much sense now it makes.

Content. I will divide this in 4 categories, dialogue, flow, descriptions, characters. Also, a warning, I'm no big fun of quoting big chunks in every paragraph. I'd only quote around 5 things, tops.

Descriptions
I really like the way you started your story. It's very detailed, so full of descriptions, and it introduces the character's passion due to the content of the descriptions; how she hears the beat, tempo, her head bobbing, her feet walking in unison with the tempo... I really liked it how you wrote it in a very subtle way, gave the readers hints, about what this character lives for... music.

I noticed a very small disruption of the flow. The symphony of New York streets played powerful and fluid; loud enough for those [...]. In this part, that semicolon sort of disrupts the tempo that you created with the descriptions, it really should be a comma; it'd work better, and it'd be correct, grammatically speaking.

Even after the dialogue kicks in, your descriptions are so vivid. It's very easy to picture the environment without much trouble. Of course, I noticed you focus more on what's going on with the two characters, rather than what's surrounding them, but I could still imagine every single little detail about the place they were in. At what I'm getting with this is, that the way you structured the descriptions gives the reader enough material and then to work from it, making the story more dynamic and not boring by giving every single little detail away.

Characters
At first, I wasn't sure who was the twin that we, as readers, were following through NY till she reached her destination. It was a bit confusing to read the first entry of the dialogues and not know who was who. Of course, after re-reading it, I realized who arrived and who was waiting

I really liked Luce, her positive attitude shines through the screen. I liked how you made her really bubbly and then the contrast with Claire's personality, who appeared to be a little more down to earth. The only thing I'd suggest you on the character's bit, is to avoid that overused plot device of making the twins very different, personality-wise. I mean, their personalities are great, but they both contrast a lot, making the characters complete opposites and finding it hard to believe that they actually get along.

Dialogue
I absolutely loved your dialogue. It was so simple, straight to the point, yet deep enough for the reader to learn about the twins' past. It flowed really nicely and it was highly realistic. Kudos on that.

Flow
The overall story flowed very nicely. The dialogue and descriptions worked together and made it so easy for the readers to picture exactly what was going on, and it was highly realistic. The sentence flow worked nicely; the only thing that felt a little weird was at the very beginning, due to the whole thematic of those first paragraphs, the beat, tempo, music. I just thought it was a bit... overly-worded (is that even a word?); anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it sounds far more complicated than the rest of the story, which takes a way a bit of the flow it has.

Overall
The plot is something you don't read very ofter. I mean, yeah the whole identity switch between twins has been done, but you, for once, have a very unique reason as to why they're doing this.

I really liked the characters, except for the few things that I mentioned. The descriptions and dialogue flow very well together, and the general story is quite interesting.

Story Comment Thread
Well hey there. I'm going to subscribe.
I really, really enjoyed this.
The style of writing was excellent, like Alex above me said. It's very poetic and fluid like that.
Also, the plotline is so different, I'm very interested and I want more naaaaaw.

One Shot for One Shot.

First off, I love your writing style; it's just so poetic and perfect. I wish I could write like that.

I love the idea of this whole story, and I can tell just from this that it won't be clichéd, it'll be brilliant. I also love how Lucy and Claire contrast each other, and how you can tell what their personalities are like, and even gain a little glimpse into their lives just from the way they speak.

The introductory paragraphs are astounding; the musical comparisons are just beautiful, and the line The symphony of New York streets played powerful and fluid; loud enough for those indoors to enjoy its music. just blew me away.

I love how Lucy is almost the more childlike of the twins, and the way she makes fun of Claire when she quotes her is so lifelike and real.

I adore the closing lines of this chapter too; it's the perfect example of the way people react with each other, and it's just perfect.

I'm subscribing, because this shows so much promise, and I don't think I could leave this page without doing so.

Twins!!

I really like where this is going, Sally. Very detailed writing and it flowed well.

Sensible Claire wasn’t acting so sensible. -- I liked this line, it made me smile. Man, you need more comments for this story because it's well deserving.