A Leisurley Death - Comments

Positively amazing! I'm not a swimmer to begin with, but now.. AHHH.

Whoa.

You made me bite my nails, this was so intense.
I caught the last day of shark week, and when I was watching, they had a load of specials about people who had been attacked by sharks and such. Faith reacted so well, doing exactly what one should do when a shark attacks, and damn! Poor Andrew!

There aren't a lot of intense, actiony stories on Mibba, just a load of romancey luuuuurveeey stories, so it's a nice change. The title is completely misleading, which rules, and it's sort of funny because I really thought Andrew would die at first. You have a load of talent, and your writing style is quite interesting. Fantastic job!

Okay, I love the beach and hate sharks - this story almost made my heart stop.
I have to admit I thought that the little siblings were going to be attacked (Beth and Carson) when she put her sunglasses on and started reading - then they didn't (which is a good trick to use).

The way you started of calm also made the readers feel more relaxed so when the attack happened we were thrown into it and it was just as a shock to us as it was to the characters in the book. I must say, for a moment there I had tears in the corner of my eye's when I though Andrew was going to die.

Overall, you done a fantastic job!

The last line was a little heart warming too ;)

Sharks...
The layout was...blue o_O

The story itself was good, very descriptive. The last sentence was clever as well

:}

"I have faith,"

OH MY GOD.
Such a cute ending! :3

As I read this, I kept thinking that Andrew and Faith would have a thing. And they totally did. And it was totally adorable, even if it was ruined by that stupid, vicious shark!

You left it off to let the readers conclude it ourselves. I love when writers do that. (:
So, I'll write the ending in my head. And in my ending, Andrew lives and he marries Faith and they live in a big house and Beth and Carson hang out there all the time with them. <3

The writing was really good. I didn't find any mistakes. Though, I didn't look too hard.
I was more concerned about the story itself, haha.

Great job! (:

this is really suspenseful. I was half expecting Andrew to die.
I absolutely love the layout, and the last like is purely genius.

I kinda wish it was a little longer but the ending was perfect. So, I'll just have to deal.

"I have Faith".

*Drool*.

You rock, dude.

Dr.

intense!! awesome!!! so cool!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!! great job!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOME.

I thought it would have been Faith that got attacked, rather than Andrew.
I liked this, the imagery was good and it was vivid.
I pictured it as Andrew being a little closer to the shore, I'm not an expert on sharks but would they survive so close to the shore?
Still, this hasn't helped my fear of sharks. I always get worried with beaches, but they can only survive in 'hot' oceans right? :D
I loved how he said he had faith, that was so adorable and a lovely way to end this story :D

sharkweek.... *hums happily*
LOVE THE LAST LINE
Very realistic- I will never be able to enjoy Matagora Bay anymore, thank you very much.

Jesus! That was awesome.

I love how you threw in facts of how storms miles away can effect the currents. The relationship between Andrew and Faith was beautiful and I love the fact that he punched that shark in his eye over and ever again. Fucking sharks. That's why I don't swin in the ocean. Either you have something trying to bite your ass or something stings you and you need someone to pee on you.

Oceans suck.

The wording, the tension and suspense, the flow and balance was beautiful. You can tell you did your reasearch, but it's not like you threw boring facts in there for the hell of it, no you totally owned this story. It was absolutely amazing.

I give it 10/10

Holy Sharkbait.
HooHaha. <3 (:
Sorry, I couldn't pass up the Finding Nemo refrence.

Baut holy bananas, this was amazing. No, amazing doesn't even cover it, this was brilliance. Pure, sharky brilliance. At first, I thought he was going to get eaten. D: I was like, "Nuway." But no, he didn't get eaten. :)

I loved loved loved all the detail this had and it's flow was just amazing. Most of all, I loved the ending. "I have Faith."

I think I almost started crying.Good Amazing Job. C:

This really good! And long chapter! Yay I'm tired of short chapter in stories. Very good!

Oh my goodness. I thought Carson or Beth was going to be attacked, not Andrew D:

I really liked this. Your imagery is good. I could picture everything that was happening. I liked that.

I really wanted to see what was going to happen to Andrew! Is he going to be okay?
xD

I loved the last sentence. When he said "I have Faith" I was like "Awe! <3"

Aha. Good job (:

I liked it. You described the events and characters very well. You made us become attached to them before the major events started happening. It think the plot was very good. It was also very unique. Wonderful. :D

Woah, dude, this was insanely creepy. I like it. :D

I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but I felt as if the whole story was sort of like a contradiction.
Meaning, that people usually go to the beach to relax and have fun, but this was the exact opposite of that.
I thought it was a good thing. (:

Your word choice, imagery, and description could have used some work, but everything else was amazing.
It was scary, yes, and really reminded me of Jaws - but I enjoyed reading.

17 year old Faith, her best friend, Andrew, Faith’s 5 year old little sister, Beth, and their 9 year old neighbor, Carson
The only thing I noticed grammar-wise was this. I would write out those numbers.

Wonderful job! <3

okay so this drew me in from the start, the grammar was on point and so was the layout! it's so freaking awesome how you were able to pain a picture in my head with your writing....GREAT job [:

Holy s*it! This is... awesome!
This was so realistic.
I really liked it.

Holy crap that was scary lol and awesome.
It felt like I was in an aquarium haha
It scared the daylights outta me!
Great story!