I'll Be There - Comments

I like this story. But the beginning i was like "huh?" then near the end i got hooked.

update

Well I was a bit iffy to be honest at first,
but once I read to the second paragraph in the first chapter, I was hooked.
It's a new idea and I think you are off to a fantastic start.
The only tip I can really give is to maybe scan through, there were a few parts that I think you worded just a tad off.
But I loved it.

Subscriber for sure.(:

Well, right now I'm amazed by your banner making skills. It really compliments the layout well.

In all honesty, the society is a much better place, but living on Earth with the ones you love is irreplaceable."
This confused me, only because you say society (and by that I'm assuming you mean ours?) is a much better place, but then you use "but", implying the next statement would contradict that. It doesn't though, it gives the reason why. Shouldn't that be and?

Otherwise the summarize is very enticing. There aren't a lot of stories like this on Mibba, especially sister-non-romantic-relatinship ones, so I find this interesting.

... Okay... so you didn't mean to society on Earth. My bad.

Then my grandma was sent down to be my mother's Guardian Angel, my Auntie Kim to be my mom's
This confused me, her mom has two guardian angels?

Basically, I adore this. You've got a fantastic way of capturing her emotions, I can so easily empathize for her, and it's really relatable as well considering everyone takes things for granted. I also like you you describe heaven.

Consider it subbed.
:D

First off: The banner and the layout were positively stunning. :)
<3 I adored them and oddly they set a very scerene mood.

I really enjoyed the chapter, too. (: This whole idea is somehwat foreign and unique to me, so that is a definite plus in my books--especially since I'm already in love with your writing stlye, aha. Everything seemed well thought out and perfectly placed with just the right touch of emotion tainted detail. <3 Like eli said it, "breath-takingly beautiful." (:

Lovely Job.<3
More Please? (:

I love the layout and the story.

The style of your writing is amazing and it's very eye-opening - dragging you into the story. Continue writing, it's breath-talkingly beautiful.

The layout is freakin' adorable.

This seems interesting. Your writing style is great, and I love the mysterious touch at the beginning - the whole concept of "Heaven" and all, I mean. The way you explained into her background without going too much into detail is great. Also, I'm itching to see where you're going to take this... I've never read about a Guardian Angel before, so it's definitely going to be interesting. (:

Update soon, yeah?

Dude, unicorns in Heaven? Gasp!

You're of to a great start. I like the concept and it's easy to read. The banner is beautiful and the layout is elegant.

It has a balance to it and so far it flows nicely.

I'm looking forward on reading more :)

This was a great introductory chapter.
The words you used fit perfectly and it was enjoyable to read.
If the rest of the chapters are this good, this story will be pretty amazing. hah.

Great job, keep it up.

It's a really good start. Full of emotion.

Some even believe that we have unicorns roaming around. LMAO. I was laughing so hard, but then I thought I should be serious.
After being in Heaven for so long, you can't help but wish you were sharing this experience with your family and friends. Kinda like living on Earth, when lots of people died already.
When I lived on Earth, I didn't have the greatest attitude and I took everyone important to me for granted.This is really teaching me a lesson.
I'm just waiting for the day I'll be sent down to do the magical job myself. I surely hope you are going to continue this, that was the perfect part to stop it at.

Xxoo,
Bridgette

I think it's cute. And it has the whole spoiled girl gets a wake up call feel, but it's in a totally different situation. And I thought her back story was interesting. Much better "Then I had cancer and now I'm in Heaven." And the way you describe heaven? You've put thought into this, clearly. I really do like it.

Wow...
I agree with everyone.
Good and bad points, but this was amazing.
The title is very simple and the layout is cute - it catches my attention.
I simply adore the summary! It's short, but - I really like it. <3
&&chapter one is amazing. :O

Some even believe that we have unicorns roaming around.
This makes me laugh.

Overall, very good.
You laid a steady foundation for the rest of the story.
Another good thing is that you took the concrit without getting angry, or defensive, and used it to make your story that much better.

Nicely done.

Wow.

This is incredibly deep. I love that you decided to write things in the point of view of the sister that had passed; I think that was a brilliant idea. I do hope that you can update this soon because it sounds like a very promise story.

Great job and keep going! ^_^

I really like what you have got going. (:
Although, I do think that brookiekillskittens - has very good points.
Other than that, I think that this story will turn out amazing.
I definitely want to see where you take it. (:
Great job!

I think you've got a good start, though why the girl is just focusing on her little sister, I have no idea. Isn't she sorry she took all of her family for granted? Shouldn't she be helping her mother and father too? That just...it just didn't seem right to me. Unless of course, Tomi's got some kind of problem that she really does need help on later in the story, something worse than whatever her parents have to deal with.

It was a good length, but it stopped suddenly. You might want to add a bit more to the end, it doesn't really...I don't know how to say it, but it just ends abruptly and not in a good cliff-hangery way, it just stops. Add or don't, your choice.