An Unheard Scream - Comments

I like it. It's pretty good, but I agree with that I wished it would've been a little more sadistic because it was about a serial killer. But I did love how you ended it with him being trapped.

Hm, not great...but still pretty good.

I agree with boats and birds. It was a bit lacking. I would've liked to have seen more. All in all though, it was a pretty solid peice of work.

Your way with description is phenomenal and always keeps my eyes peeled open until the end, and sometimes for a while after.

I love this.

:D awesome!!

I Wish I Was A Good Writer Like You ><

I think it was amazing. I love stories like that. I know you said you changed it and toned it down for your own reasons; which is fine. I agree with the t o x i c lullabies. and love alice; though, if you used a little more detail and maybe even made it a little longer, it'd be a great short story. You could even take it a step forward and write more to it, even if it isn't what happened in your dream. I know it's for the contest and all, but it has potential to be so much more. I loved it! Great work.

Wow. You captured the serial killer's thoughts well.
But, I find you could've added more detail to it. Like, what did he do wrong? Was he planning an escape or what were his true emotions? I find those are really important in a story such as this.

I also agree with love alice;, I also find that you were lacking, but this wasn't horrible either.
It could have a lot of potential if you added at least a bit more of description.

I feel like it could have had a lot more power to it. When I think of serial killers, I think brains that have been soiled by fumes. I wish his mind had been a bit more sadistic. This piece wasn't amazing, but I'm not saying its bad either. I'm just saying I felt it was lacking. Like you were going down a road, but you weren't showing us everything. They say writing is rewriting, so maybe go back and add a bit more details? Maybe you should deep a little deeper as to how the dream made you feel and interpret that. Overall, you write very well, and I'm sure you have amazing pieces because this shows the potential but I think it needs more you in it.