Hard Nights - Comments

Comment swapperino!
Well, I think you should have this proofread because I noticed you struggled a little bit with your writing. I spotted a few grammar mistakes and also wrong punctuation. But don't worry, just write more and more and read a lot and soon you'll be writing perfectly. I felt the layout was a little too blue for me, but that's your personal taste :D
As for the plot, it's not something I'd usually go for, but it seemed interesting. Keep working!

Comment swapperino!
Well, I think you should have this proofread because I noticed you struggled a little bit with your writing. I spotted a few grammar mistakes and also wrong punctuation. But don't worry, just write more and more and read a lot and soon you'll be writing perfectly. I felt the layout was a little too blue for me, but that's your personal taste :D
As for the plot, it's not something I'd usually go for, but it seemed interesting. Keep working!

To start off I would like to thank you so much for taking the time to enter a story in my contest! (: It brought joy that I got to read a story. A hockey one and a Jordan Staal on top of that! :D :D I love Jordan so I got really excited.

I liked the layout of the story. I loved loved loved the picture you used of Jordan, it's sexy and I love the look he's giving. I also loved the puck in the snow on the side. I also thought that the summary was concise and it didn't give too much away but still made me want to keep on reading some more.

One thing I really liked about the story is how the characters interacted with one another. I really thought that it felt real and true. It was relatable and I think that character interaction is something that is super important in a story. It can sometimes make or even break a story, and I thought that you did that really well. Great job there! (: Something that's also important when having vocal interaction with characters balance is important. I think that you balanced out the interaction really well. I liked how you gave them both monologues and how you put enough dialogue. I thought you did it justice. Some authors don't know how to balance out their interaction and I thought you did it a great job. Another aspect I also enjoyed was the basis of the story. It revolved around something very important in a hockey player's life. Especially those two years in a row and it just doesn't happen, it can really feel terrible. I also like how you displayed the internal battle that Addie was having at the start. I liked that part as well. I thought that your ability to makes things realistic was really well executed.

I liked that they made peace and finally saw eye to eye and that they truly did understand each other. I also felt as though it was nice to see that things were okay with them. I also liked how you added a little humor in the story toward the end. Although that was almost a little downfall because it took away from the seriousness of the story, but that is greatly debatable.

One thing that I would suggest you look just a little more into is the grammar and structure of your story. I think that the little mistakes take away from the overall flow of things. It could really make or break a story and in this sense it wasn't so much as a make it, but it wasn't a break it either. (I hope that makes sense to you.) I think that you just need maybe review things a little more before posting. In one instance you put Im instead of putting I'm. It's not a big deal, but it does matter to a story because the grammar is a part of writing.

Overall I must say job well done! (: Good luck!

This was really interesting. I've never read a hockey fiction I don't believe. It was really confusing for the most part, but still really good.
I definitely enjoyed it.

Thank you!!! Awesome first commenter! and yes Jordan is very easy on the eyes. ahah

I liked your story. And that is a gorgeous picture of the extremely gorgeous man. Good job :]