Looking over it, I think this "as the city lights get brighter than fade" should be "as the city lights get brighter rather than fade", but thats the only thing.
August 14th, 2010 at 12:56am
Kay, so how I do this is I type the comment while I read, m’kay?
First off, delete the “One Shot:” bit in the beginning.
I really like the way you change POV (Typewriter/Guitarman) (even though Guitarman is really two words, I like it better as one word because that’s Pete’s persona, his name)
I notice a lot of rhyming in this. I don’t know whether it is intentional or not, but I like it.
The narration is a bit stiff, stoic even, but somehow, for your characters, it works.
as the city lights get brighter than fade I really like that line.
Be his needle and thread for his whoms and love him unconditionally.
I do not want to be alone anymore.
I…just…wow. I am in awe of this.
Ohmigosh O.O
For such a short piece, this was crazy intense.
I’m happy, more than anything, that you were so original. I mean, yes, it’s fanfiction, but you picked a fairly easy pairing, considering the origins on Panic! At The Disco, but you did something completely unique and wonderful.
Ryan’s introduction bit wasn't my favorite, but it was still great. Pete’s perspective just blew me away though. It’s absolute perfection and that weird psudo-love they have is just beautiful. I don’t really buy into that love-at-first-sight stuff, but you clearly portray a connection and an understanding between the two men that is just so genuine and loving. I honestly can’t get over how much I like this <3
I also didn’t really notice any spelling or grammar errors, so thank you for proofreading.
Thank you, so much, for entering the contest.
LetMePleaseLeave will have her comment up as soon as she gets her computer back :)
